Today, I (21M) and my dad (51M) were out and while waiting for a light to turn green, a car went by us and honked really loudly while passing another car. I am REALLY not good with sudden loud noises and I flinched visibly.

Dad asked me if I still cannot deal with loud noises and I said "of course not, this is not something I will stop doing anytime soon. I wish I could but I don't know how" because this reaction is really not voluntary. My heart starts beating really fast, sometimes I move to cover my ears and flinch back.

The reason is my mom used to have anger issues when I was around 11-14. I remember nearly nothing of that time except for trying to take the brunt of her screaming instead of my little sister (now 17F, then around 6-10). She screamed at every little thing, to the point every time the doorbell rang and my mom came home my mood went bad in anticipation.

So now I cannot handle yelling without crying and cannot have deep discussions with my mother at all, but can with my dad.

My mom's anger issues got better when I was around 16/17, but by then the relationship went to shit. It slowly started repairing, especially after I started attending university at 19 in another country. But it is not the same.

She now doesn't scream much and she is really trying. She is sweet and doting, a normal mom, even if her temper sometimes shows.

My dad knows why I flinch. I expressed it multiple times (when I gained the emotional maturity to have that talk).

This is the conversation I had, translated (roughly, as some of the phrases do not exist in english)

Dad: "But she has been getting better?"

Me: "I wouldn't know, I am in [university city] almost all the time."

Dad: "I know. But she is better."

Me: "Dad, I don't think she can do much but let the relationship heal on it's own and do better by my sister. She needs it more than me now."

Dad: "But she can still do good by you."

Me: "She can. She is trying, but the relationship might never recover."

Dad: "You are not even giving her a chance."

Me: "But I am. If I didn't give her a chance, she would not have met my boyfriend and I wouldn't call you both every week to talk about what life is going like. I gave her more of a chance that I initially wanted to. I wanted to move out and cut her off the second [sister's name] moved out too. I still might if it gets worse."

The last kinda just slipped out, because my mouth moves faster than my brain.

My dad was kind of stunned for a bit, but from there, it devolved into a question game of "would you really do that" and other hypotheticals. My dad was kinda devastated and I don't even know my mom will say when he talks to her about it.

I initially never wanted to tell them that I considered cutting them off, and now it might have just unnecessarily hurt them to know I was prepared for that possibility (and kinda still am if it gets worse).