Am I overreacting, or is my fiance? This is long, I’m so sorry.

(Sorry for any formatting issues, posting on mobile) Wondering if you can tell me where exactly I went wrong here in this text. I (35F) have been w my fiancè (29M) for 3 yrs. Right now we are long distance for a period of time, but still see each other once a month for a week, & then he spends the whole summer in my state. In the beginning of our relationship, I told him porn was a firm boundary for me. The boundary being, “I don’t engage in a relationship w someone who watches porn”. Not out of insecurity, but it ruins relationships & can become addiction territory for most men quickly. He had his chance to decide if we were incompatible. He told me he had no problem w that boundary. A few months later, I found out that he not only lied, but had been watching porn daily. It has now been a point of contention pretty much our whole relationship, because he has continued to watch porn daily when I’m not visiting him. When I am visiting him for a week, he never watches porn or jerks off, we have sex pretty much daily. But, him jerking off/watching porn daily, negatively impacts our relationship in numerous ways. When he’s watching porn all the time before I come to visit him, when I get there & we’re having sex, he has a hard time staying hard, it’s clear he has a lot less interest in sex, less reciprocal/lazier, etc. vs when he has abstained from porn/jerking off for like a week before I get there, it’s a huge difference. Ever since the first argument, he’s never told me he’ll stop, just that he’ll “lessen the frequency”, but it never happens. Yes, I fully understand I should’ve left the first time he crossed the boundary, but bc he initially agreed to the boundary, I was already fully invested in the relationship by the time I found out he’d been crossing it. But I take responsibility for continuing the relationship, of course he was never gonna respect the boundary if there were no consequences for crossing it. Anyway. He proposed in February, & a few weeks after the proposal, I had a serious convo w him to say, “this boundary is firm now, & I want to make it clear that I absolutely will not marry someone who 1. engages in porn, because porn will not be a part of someone’s life-long commitment to me & 2. finds it okay to continuously cross my boundaries”. I told him that it is absolutely his prerogative to say no, he will not respect that boundary, it just simply means we are incompatible then, & that’s okay. I’m not wrong for having the boundary, & he’s not wrong if he decided he didn’t want to adhere to that boundary. But, he decided he was going to respect the boundary, & I made it very clear that I will not waiver this time. We have very open communication, so I told him that I understand watching porn daily for the last 15 yrs or w/e is not an easy habit to break, & that I will help & support however possible, & I want him to be open with me. I even said that since we are still long distance, I’d be fine with if he wanted/needed to watch it once a week, every other week, whatever, that I wouldn’t look and wouldn’t ask/care.

Then a few days ago we get on the topic that he hasn’t jerked off/cum since I left about 3 weeks ago, & that bc of that, his sex drive has decreased significantly. He eventually beats around the bush to say that, when he’s not cumming/jerking off all the time, his sex drive is essentially non-existent, so that I shouldn’t expect daily sex anymore going forward, because he ‘doesn’t watch porn daily anymore so has no sex drive’. I reminded him he doesn’t need porn to jerk off, I have sent him a lot of material, & would send him anything he wanted, or we could make anything he wanted. He said “I’d rather just not jerk off at all at that point”. We got into a bit of an argument bc it seemed to me he was saying, “either you let me watch porn daily so I can keep my sex drive up to continue prioritizing our intimacy/sex life, or you accept a huge decline in my sex drive, & we have a lot less sex”. I got upset, bc our intimacy is very important to me, & it has always been very important to him the entirety of our relationship. I asked if there was something bigger happening here like an attraction issue or what, & he claimed no. I have repeatedly told him I will make any video he wants of either myself or our sex, or both, & he says he ‘just would rather not jerk for then’. So I repeatedly asked why he wouldn’t prioritize our intimacy & sex life if it turns out that his not watching porn anymore negatively impacts our intimacy/sex life; if not being able to watch porn daily anymore tanks his libido so much that I now have to expect sex only once a month or something, why wouldn’t he start using our/my videos so that his sex drive remains consistent? He ended up just repeating himself, that if he isn’t jerking off/watching porn often, his sex drive will tank, & I will have to accept that.. “but even if my sex drive tanks significantly, you can still initiate if you want to try, I guess”, which REALLY pissed me off.

I sent this text (pasted below bc no screenshots allowed) & it for some reason pissed him off so much that his response was, “Ok, find someone else then, go with the 1,000 men. Bye.” and blocked me. Which is very unlike him. Today I texted him saying, “I don’t want to argue about this anymore, let me know when you’re ready to unblock me. 🙄” and he responded with, “I have nothing to say to you”. This is the most upset he’s ever been in an argument w me (we don’t argue often). I don’t understand why this text of all things set him off so much. I don’t feel I owe him an apology, considering idk what I’d be apologizing for, and considering everything he’s said during this argument. So would love a perspective on why this text upset him so much. Here is the text:

“I have to be honest, you make it worse with every message you send. It’s like you’re misunderstanding on purpose. But whatever, it’s not something I want to continue arguing about. I’ve told you how I feel, I’ve told you my expectations, I expect you to still prioritize intimacy, & no, “you can still initiate if you want to try” is not prioritization; it’s the opposite. I’d rather you just simply say it’s not a priority for you & leave it at that, it’s ridiculous we even have to have this conversation for this long. It’s like begging someone who is supposed to be into me more than any man on the planet to just prioritize me in literally any way, but sexually is not something I should have to beg any man for. It’s embarrassing. It never ceases to be humiliating to feel like I’m constantly begging you for the bare minimum. Now I have to beg for sex apparently? Or I mean “I can initiate if I want, you guess”. Cool. Amazing. Can’t wait. What a relationship. Love being the only one that gives a fuck 95% of the time. It’s what I dreamed of as a girl. I’ve got a thousand men in my DM’s a day but the one man who is supposed to want to prioritize fucking me, would rather give me the option of watching other people fuck daily or “I can initiate, I guess”. Nah, I’m good. I already initiate too much. I’m good. Thanks though.

I’m not going to continue arguing about something like this. It’s literally embarrassing atp. It’ll be what it’ll be.”