26M I'm new to reddit, I haven't really used this platform before but heard from a couple friend of mine that they are often on here for advice and other things... So here we go. I don’t even know where to start with this. Maybe I’m just trying to justify what I already know deep down is wrong. Or maybe things really aren’t that black and white. I honestly don’t know anymore.

There’s this woman I work with—we’ll call her Sarah. From the start, we clicked. It wasn’t even about attraction at first. She’s just smart, funny in this dry, sarcastic way, and she gets me. We would often talk starting with work topics, and conversations always carried from there getting more personal. One thing about me is that I often moonlight as a bull with other swinger couples, and she recently confided in me that lifestyle has always intrigued her. She started asking me more questions about my experiences since I have do have a fairly active sex life, especially when it comes to other couples recommending me to their friends in the community. No hate. Anyway, we ended up on a few projects together, and the more time we spent around each other, the more… complicated it got. Conversations turned more personal. Lunches turned into drinks after work. One thing led to another.

But here’s the part that really threw me: she started flirting hard after this one time when I stood up too fast in these admittedly way too fitted pants. I caught her looking—like, really looking. Later she joked about it, half-laughing, half-serious. Said something like, “You’ve been hiding that this whole time?” I didn’t know how to respond. I laughed it off, but from then on, things shifted. It was like a switch flipped. She started touching my arm more, sitting closer, texting me things she definitely shouldn’t have if she was just trying to be friendly.

I knew she was married. She never pretended otherwise. I’ve even met her husband—seemed like a genuinely good guy. That’s the part that haunts me. She told me things weren’t good at home. That he barely looked at her anymore. That she felt more like a roommate than a partner. I didn’t push it. But I didn’t walk away either.

I let it happen. I told myself, “She’s the one making the choices, not me.” But that feels like a cop-out now. The truth is, I knew what was happening. And I let my ego get in the way. I liked the attention. I liked being wanted.

Still, I can’t shake this feeling that I’m doing something wrong. That maybe I am the bad guy, even if I didn’t start it. Because I didn’t stop it either.

So yeah… am I the asshole here?