I was born in a typical Asian family, get excellent grades in school, become a doctor, get married, have children and die That's why I have always worked hard since I started school, got good grades and even entered the best medical school in my country and graduated. Growing up, I didn't have many social activities because "school always comes before friendship", which pushed me to loneliness in my adult life when it was already difficult to spend time with friends When I complained to my mother about this, as if she was waiting for this moment, she told me that her friend was single in Ağlu and that I should not meet her. I was told that at first I rolled my eyes, but after thinking that it wouldn't hurt to try, I found the boy my mother mentioned. He was sweet, kind and caring, and his behaviour was sweeping me off my feet. 2 years later, when I was 28 and he was 30, we got married, and the first times were good, he helped me with housework, comforted me if I had problems, and we laughed and cried together. So years passed, my ex-husband's sister gave birth, and we were all happy, and after she was born, we all helped occasionally, especially my ex-husband because ex- My SIL and my ex-husband are very close to each other, which was not a problem for me, and sometimes he even travelled back and forth alone when I was very exhausted from work. Around this time my ex-husband started asking me questions about what it would be like if we had children together or what it would look like. For the content, I made it clear that I did not want children before I got married because the shortest way to the speciality area in the hospital where I work is to pass through the paediatric department and the screams of children drive me crazy, so I come early and take the long way to my destination Another reason is that I will not have enough time for the child and I will not be able to blame every responsibility on him and not to mention the damages to my body, I am not an expert in this subject, but what I saw while I was being educated was enough for me This child issue started to prolong, we were fighting every day because of it, sometimes he started to include his cousins, brothers and sisters in this issue. The event that caused our divorce is as follows: I came back from a long and tiring shift, all I wanted was to lie down on the sofa for a while, then my ex-husband came and asked casual questions, how are you, etc. He sat next to me and started to take child photos, and I passed him by saying "I can't now, I want to rest a little", then I passed him by saying "I want to rest a little", then a moment because of his face I was tired of this situation, I said "If you don't end this here, I will sign the divorce papers tomorrow and give them to you" and he angrily left the house. The event that caused our divorce is as follows: I came back from a long and tiring shift, all I wanted was to lie down on the sofa for a while, then my ex-husband came and asked casual questions, how are you, etc. He sat next to me and started to show photos of children, and I passed him by saying "I can't now, I want to rest a little" Then there was a momentary change in his face, that tenderness was gone, he shouted with a sharp anger "why I was always against it, he kept saying whether we wanted to complete our family or not" I was tired of this situation "if you don't end this issue here, I will sign the divorce papers tomorrow and give them to you" I said he left the house in anger. 1 week later I got divorced by persuasion. Since the house was his , I packed my things, first I went to my parents, but because of this event, there broke up because they also wanted grandchildren, so co-woker let me stay at a her house for a few days, while I was drinking coffee in the cafe of my hospital, she came to me - I will call her axe - axe came to me and asked me what I was doing, which seemed strange to me because the hospital where she worked and my hospital were "enemies" I don't know the reason for this, but it is certain that it has come from a long time ago, so they usually don't hire people who used to work there here etc. After chatting for a while, I told him everything as I was tired after all the events and after some thought she told me about her situation, she told me that she resigned from the hospital where she was working and moved abroad, but she had several jobs here, so if I wanted to stay with her for a few months I could stay with her. It was like finding gold from the mud for me, so I immediately agreed, and in the evening we moved my things to her house, and when I entered the house, the first thing I noticed was that it was clean, and when I asked her, she said that there was a cleaner who came to the house twice a month, but if I wanted, she would renew the contract and come regularly. The other was that either the furniture was made of hard things or it was too soft, and when I realised this, she said that she used to have a lot of anger problems, so she had to break a few things, so that the house looked strange, I won't lie, because it scared me a lot. But I knew that a lot had changed in her (yes, I should have said this at the beginning, but I'm writing them piece by piece), we used to compare at conferences, I always felt that I was talking to a wall when I was talking to her, I always felt that I was talking to a wall when I was talking to her, always a little delayed answer, soulless eyes would make my hair stand on end, I always thought that she acted like this because our hospitals were enemies, now I think how unfair I was when I look at it.Now I can say that it is more lively and caring in comparison After we moved in, we behaved the same way as our housemates did, he complained about my long shower time and I complained about how loud it was at night. While we were spending our lives like this, I started to notice a few things, she was constantly complimenting my meals, always offering to help me and do something together on my rest days, for example, how about watching a movie or a new place opened here, would you like to try it, she left the choice to me, sometimes she bought small gifts when she came home, for example, she bought my favourite tea or juice to "remind you" of me, what I didn't understand was that while we were both 30'ish , she was acting like a child who had just turned 20. And it's about my night of guilt that came up That day, we were lying on the couch together in the living room, having finished 1.5 bottles of alcohol, to celebrate together. She asked me why I got divorced for a moment, and I talked about the child issue. She took a deep breath and shouted, "This is more ridiculous than my crazy mind." I started laughing because I didn't expect this. She sat up and looked at me. "I still don't understand your ex-husband. I would be your slave even for this smile of yours." "Oh, are we entering the compliment race? Okay, okay..." Umm, your skin is so soft that I can't bear to look at you. " And in the morning of this night, I saw us both naked in my bed (I don't want to go into too much detail yk). i got ready immediately and went, my face was red with embarrassment throughout the trip, when I checked my phone at lunch break, there were a lot of unanswered calls, and when I got home, there was a lot of tension between us, I don't know what to do, the thought of being with a woman has never occurred to me in my whole life, and now that I think about it, I really don't know, it won't be a Discomfort for me, I guess? I'm in a lot of trouble, I don't want my relationship with Axe to be broken, but it feels like I'm guilty in this incident T~T

English is not my first language, there may be mistakes, thank you for reading this far.