AITA for having issues with all of my older siblings and not wanting to “respect them just because they’re older”?

I’m a 25F, the youngest in my family, and I’ve always had a difficult relationship with my older siblings. My parents constantly tell me I need to “respect them because they’re older,” but I’m at a point where I genuinely don’t feel like they’ve earned that respect. Here’s why.

My older sister (late 30s) is going through a rough time.. she’s separated from her husband(not divorced just living separately) and lives with our parents (as do I right now). She has a 3-year-old daughter, and while I understand she’s stressed and works full time, she barely parents. She always says, “I’m not the playing type,” refuses to put effort into potty training (expected daycare to do it), and even got mad when it didn’t happen quickly.. even though she barely tried at home. She once tried for like two days, half-heartedly. Plus she’s verbally abusive and sometimes physically too.

She’s also expressed resentment about not being able to take a vacation due to her daughter, but like…parents take their kids on trips and if the toddler gives you a hard time don’t go until they’re older.. You don’t abandon them. She’s been aggressive with her daughter in the past to the point where family had to intervene. My mom and I watch the toddler when she’s not in daycare, and instead of being grateful, my sister accuses us of “spoiling her.” My younger brother plays with the toddler more than she does — she just scrolls on her phone. And if I say anything, I’m the bad guy because “she’s going through a lot” and “she’s older.”

My oldest brother (35M) is a textbook narcissist. He barely helps around the house but constantly criticizes everyone else for not doing enough. He’s rude, confrontational, and acts superior. Growing up, he was verbally and physically intimidating — calling me names like “dumbass” and getting in my face when I didn’t meet his expectations (especially with grades). We barely speak now because of repeated fights and unresolved tension.

My other brother (30M) is a different case. We used to get along okay, but now he’s addicted to weed. When he doesn’t smoke, he gets angry and loud. He hasn’t worked in four years or pursued school. Recently, he flipped out over the idea of our niece going to daycare (he’s against it), and when I said her mom should decide, he got aggressive and loud, and it escalated into a fight.

Honestly, I feel like I’m surrounded by dysfunction. I think it stems from our upbringing — my dad has serious anger issues and was agressive when my older siblings were younger, and my mom tends to enable bad behavior to keep the peace. But now I’m stuck living in this environment, feeling like the only one who sees how unhealthy it is.

AITA for being frustrated with all of them and not feeling like they deserve automatic respect just because they’re older? I don’t know how to maintain relationships with people who stress me out this much. I especially hate seeing my niece treated poorly, but speaking up just causes more conflict. Am I wrong here? How do I even navigate these relationships? I’m so lost..