My fiancé (27M) and I (24F) have been together for about 4 and a half years. Since i’ve been with my fiancé there has always been little disagreements or differences in opinions with his side of the family mainly his parents. We’ve gotten into a couple heated conversations but always find a way to calm things down and come back to normal at some point. But i’ve always felt like that bc i don’t see things the way they do there’s always been this wall between me and them and i also tend to be more quiet around people im not super comfortable with or feel like i can’t be myself around and i know they’ve told my fiancé that they wished i would talk more and that i’m too quiet. Mind you, this is a loud family that does get into a good amount of loud disagreements that come off as arguing but sometimes it’s just that they are loud people and i just don’t do well with that and with negative energy in general. But it also seems to be that ab 8/10 times if his family is all getting together, someone is gonna argue ab something and it’s just hard to be around that energy and anger so much.

Sooo his family was throwing us an engagement party and they had family coming into town so we all were out at a nice dinner with a big table with the whole family. At some point my fiancés mom and her sister got into an argument and her sister got up and left the table. So after her sister leaves my fiancés mom proceeds to go on and on ab how you can’t have a different opinion around her sister and how shes awful to be around and honestly idk what else but it was going on and on and she had already got up and left i didn’t see the point in fixating on it any longer and making the evening all ab that! I looked to my fiancé and made a joke about how his mom was so heated that she couldn’t pronounce some word she was trying to say and i guess she heard and asked me “what speak up what did you say?” so i told her and then looked back at my fiancé and nervous laughed bc i just didn’t know what else to do and i was trying to make things more lighthearted with what i said to him and it obviously made her mad. Even though the family members around us laughed at what i said or at least kinda smiled. When i turned to nervous laugh to him she calls me out in front of everyone and starts saying “what? what’s up you’re sitting over there laughing what’s up come on you want to say something say it” and talking all angry and aggressive and i just was fed up with it (this isn’t the first time this has happened to be clear, just never THIS bad) so i said “nothing it’s just you’ve never really let me have an opinion around you so” which maybe i shouldn’t have said that but i also didn’t like the way i was being spoken to and singled out. Meanwhile behind me my fiancé is telling his mom to just shut up and she turns to him and tells him that he needs to get smacked HER GROWN ADULT SON and i said to her “he’s 27 years old, try” and then she said “yeah? i’ll smack you” to ME! to which i responded “do it i dare you” and then of course it just escalated from there. His mom got up to leave and was telling me how she’s got me down, she knows girls like me, whatever essentially saying like i’m not “fooling” anyone or something. She knows hardly anything ab me bc she either doesn’t listen/remember but she also NEVER asks so acting like she “knows girls like me” just seemed crazy to me. I’ve done nothing to this woman ever before!! And then she yelled at my fiancé saying she blames him bc he sticks up for me no matter what and whatever. Mind you, this was all the night before our engagement party!

It was a v heated crazy situation and i’m not saying i’m 100% right i know i prob should’ve bit my tongue more but once she singled me out and was getting loud with me i just couldn’t hold back anymore. I love my fiancé so much and i really don’t want to make family things hard for him or for myself and of course i want to keep the peace but i do not want to put up with being disrespected. I told my parents and they understood why i got upset and didn’t think i should put up with it but that could just be because they’re my parents but it seems like his whole family thinks i was in the wrong and out of line for saying anything to his mom so now I’m just confused. I’m really glad i stuck up for myself and finally didn’t let her talk down to me but did i also make a mistake??? Am i an asshole for standing up for myself for the first time in 4 and a half years?