For context: my parents are trying to move and figure out the best way to go about the visa process. One way is to retire, but they both want to keep working. Because my dad runs his own business remotely it’s difficult for him to get a work visa so the other possibility they discussed is if my mom gets a work visa.

We were talking through these possibilities the other day and my mom said there’s no positions available. My dad checked to see if her current company has offices in the location they want to move to and they did. She said there were no listings, but apparently you have to email for opportunities. My dad said it’s just a matter of continuing to look and something might come up. This is where she got upset.

She took it as my dad saying she’s not been looking/trying hard enough to get a job and that it’s her fault. This is where I stepped in to try and rationalize it. I tried to explain that all he meant was that there may be an opportunity in the future in case the other plans for getting a visa don’t work. She then got upset with me and accused me of ganging up on her with my dad and “attacking” her. She then started yelling and called my dad a “piece of crap.” I couldn’t sit there and say nothing, but she just kept saying all he wants is to start fights and arguments and that I need to mind my own business.

To be honest they’ve had this problem for years. She’s always had difficulty seeing when she’s in the wrong and she never apologizes. What normally happens is she ignores you until you apologize to her and even after that it can take some time for her to stop being angry or eventually she snaps out of her rage after some time passes.

My dad has suggested marriage counseling and I have tried to support him in that as well but that’s always met with “I don’t want people involved in my business.”

The next day I tried again to tell her that there’s more important things in life than being upset over such a small thing that was never intended to be an argument. I was also leaving for the airport that day and was crying telling her I love her but she wouldn’t say it back. She just kept saying I was ganging up on her with my dad and “what a family I have.”

My dad is also not in the best health and his dad died recently which has made him more aware of his own mortality. His doctor also said he needs to reduce his stress levels and these situations stress him out so much he can’t even sleep properly. I don’t think he can continue like this even though he really wants to make it work. He confessed to me that he feels really alienated and it’s breaking my heart because he’s given a lot to support our family. I’ve tried to get my mom to see this and we’ve told her how much we love her but all she seems to focus on is the one negative thing she interpreted. We’ve even tried to apologize if things got misconstrued but she won’t have it.

I was so hurt I told her that I didn’t want to leave on such a negative note because things happen all the time god forbid my plane crashes or something I didn’t want to leave like this. She called me a drama queen and safe to say I left on a sour note and she won’t even talk to me.

Sorry for the long post but AITAH for supporting my dad in this situation? Is there anything I can do to resolve this?