This is a while ago, we are no longer in contact. But I recently started thinking about the guy again, and wanted some unbiased opinions.

So I (22f) started dating J (21m) beginning of this year. We met last year under not so great circumstances. We met when I was on a date with his friend, and he was in a relationship at the time. The friend and I didn’t end up working out, no biggy, but J reached out to my on Instagram and started flirting with me. At first I was skeptical of him, considering who he keeps himself company with.

I ended up giving him a chance (idk why) and he turned out to be a great guy. I started really liking him, he ticked all my boxes. He was pretty much like the men I read about in romance novels. He told me he was crazy about me, and that he had liked me since day one.

A mere week into us dating, we were at my house and things started heating up. I told him I don’t intend on doing anything, and he didn’t have a problem with that. But at some point I got really uncomfortable, and I expressed as much to him. I told him that due to my abusive ex, intimacy is a source of discomfort to me. He understood. I also told him that also due to my ex, I sometimes felt like he was just being nice and affectionate towards me to get in my pants. At the moment he didn’t react much, we went about the rest of our time together. It was only two days later that he told me that what I had said hurt him. I apologised and explained that what I had said was not a true reflection of my feelings, it was just a knee-jerk reaction due to my trauma. He accepted my explanation. But he ended up telling me that my trauma was too much for him to deal with.

So Reddit, was I the AH for saying I thought he only wanted to get in my pants? And would this be a deal breaker for anyone else?

Edit to add: I want to clarify a few things. Before we started dating I had made it clear that I was in an abusive relationship previously, and was not ready for a relationship. He asked me to give him a chance, and I did. That night was not the first time I told him about my trauma, and he said he can deal with it. I made it clear to him that what I went through was horrible. Also, after breaking things off, he prepositioned me to start a type of “friends with benefits” relationship. He didn’t want a relationship but he wanted the intimacy. That added fact is partly why I am questioning things.