My (18 non-binary) girlfriend (18 F) isn’t very comfortable with my best friend (19 non-binary) touching me. For context, my best friend and I had a pretty bad fight about 5 months ago, leading to us cutting contact. On New Year’s Eve I texted them and apologized for everything that had happened and asked if they would be comfortable being friends again. They said they would love to because they never stopped thinking about what happened and that they missed me. I was very happy, but I didn’t know how to tell my girlfriend. During our argument, my friend had insulted our relationship and my girlfriend was still hurt even though my friend had apologized. My friend and girlfriend talked and they agreed that my friend and I could be friends, as well as being friends with their boyfriend (17 M).

Recently my friend had come over to give me a haircut before a performance we had the next day. After they finished the haircut, they wanted to take a video to send to themselves and my girlfriend on my phone. When my girlfriend saw it she asked if she could talk to me later after my friend had left. That evening, my girlfriend told me she really wasn’t comfortable with how much my friend has been touching me (in the video they were grabbing my hair and head to show the haircut better). She asked if I could talk to them about not touching me while she was watching or hanging out with us. I asked if it was only because they did my hair, and she said no, it was because they always make some kind of physical contact with me when we see each other. I personally had no problem being physical with them, but I told my girlfriend that I would listen to her.

The day later after our performance, my friend, their boyfriend, my girlfriend, and I were hanging out waiting to leave when my girlfriend walked away to talk with another group. While she was gone, I told my friend that them touching me made my girlfriend uncomfortable, and asked them if they could not touch me while we were hanging out with her anymore. I saw my friend get a little upset and turn to their boyfriend before turning back to me and agreeing. I thought the conversation went successfully, so I continued joking and laughing, but I could tell the vibe had changed.

The next day I got a text from their boyfriend. He texted me to tell me that my friend was really upset with what I asked them. I apologized and asked why. He told me they were upset because it felt like my girlfriend was getting too involved in my friend and I’s relationship. I explained to him that she had only asked that they not touch me while she was around because it made her uncomfortable, and that I wasn’t trying to make my friend upset but that I wanted to keep both of them happy. He then said that I need to set a boundary with my girlfriend to not dictate how my friend acts.

I’m kind of stumped because I do genuinely want everyone to get along. I know my girlfriend shouldn’t have control over what my friend does, but I also don’t want her to be uncomfortable with how me and my friend show affection around her. I don’t have a problem with what she asked, but I don’t want my friend to be upset. Should I tell my girlfriend to stay out of my personal relationship or tell my friend that they shouldn’t be upset with her request?