LONG POST

So for context; I (27F) recently started dating someone (29M) I used to have a FWB situation with a couple years ago, we rekindled and he recently asked me to be his girlfriend. He is an extremely sweet, kind, and respectful guy and I love having him as my boyfriend. We haven't had any real major issues up until this point, and we never argue, so when I had a dream last night that I was having a conversation about his ex that is also someone who, in his words, says he considers "just a bro" (but I mean let's be real... you aren't having sex with your bros.) So I did wake up the next day feeling a little uneasy because while I hadn't given their friendship much thought before, something about that dream just didn't sit right with me. Now I know how silly it may sound to take a dream seriously, but I felt like it forced me to confront a subconscious feeling I had, and this was its way of coming to the surface.

In context of their relationship, apparently after they broke up, she reached back out trying to be friendly, and he accepted. She is currently his only female friend. They dated for about 2 years, and ended amicably, but he has also let it slip that she still has feelings for him and would be open to rekindling the relationship. That's where I feel their friendship may not be the most appropriate, because even though he's made it clear he has no intentions of rekindling with her in any romantic or sexual way, I don't need anybody with an ulterior motive around him that may be plotting on how they might get in where they fit in in the future, or waiting around for their turn. God forbid we hit a rough patch one day, and lo and behold she's there to be a sounding board, saying all the right things, and of course they already have history, so it's just messy. I have nothing against her personally, but I just don't feel comfortable her knowing so much about him already, knowing what his sex is like, and still having access to him. I don't want anyone to feel like they have the same access to my man as I do, and although I trust he wouldn't do anything to jeopardize us as a couple, I just needed him to know how I felt about the situation as a whole.

So he did reassure me that it isn't a close friendship where they talk regularly or hang out or anything like that, so that eased my mind a lot since it was the anxiety of not knowing the nature of their friendship that also made me uncomfortable; especially since i've seen her call before and he didn't pick up, but he's told me they've talked about me. I also told him that I just wanted him to know how I feel, I wasn't telling him he needed to do anything, that if he wanted to keep everything exactly the same with her, then so be it, and I would find a way to live with it. I just needed to get it off my chest before it turned to resentment and built up animosity.

To sum it up, he basically told me that he has no problem limiting contact with her to ease my mind, which I knew he would do anyway. I love this man and how understanding he is, and I know ultimately he probably just wanted a friend, and didn't think much past that. I asked him if he thought it was appropriate that the only female friend he had was an ex, someone he used to be in love with and have sex with, and especially if they aren't super close, like what's the point you know? Especially when pursuing a new relationship. But I'm fully aware that my opinion and feelings may be received as insecure or controlling, and that's exactly how I didn't wanna come off. I guess I just wish he would've asked me if I was okay or comfortable with it instead of just casually bringing her up in conversation as if she isn't someone that could potentially threaten our relationship. Especially since she's the one primarily reaching out, as well as she's the one who initiated their rekindling in the first place. I don't think he really saw it that way until I brought it up to him.

Long story short, he completely understood and said he isn't gonna completely cut her off but limit contact, and not really engage. Apparently he's gonna let her know i'm not comfortable with their friendship. I don't want either of them to feel like I made him stop talking to her, or that im the jealous controlling gf, but I also don't want my man having female friends that secretly have feelings for him. I always told him that anyone who was around before me I would never make him choose between me and them, because ultimately if anything goes wrong with us, your friends will always be there. I just chalk it up to if she's really just a platonic friend then there should be no drama, she should understand. And if she gets upset about it then she likely wasn't around for the right reasons anyway.

If it was any other female friend, I wouldn't bat an eye. The fact they have such a loaded history and she still has feelings, (he cheated on her which adds a whole other layer to the story) is the main reason. I don't care about my man having female friends but the ONLY one you have is someone you used to be in love with and have sex with???? Being that she still has feelings I feel like that isn't a friendship it's a disaster waiting to happen. If you've made it this far, thanks for listening to (reading???) my rant!

TLDR; My boyfriend has a casual friendship with his ex that still has feelings for him, I told him it makes me uncomfortable, he says he'll let her know they can't be as friendly since i'm uncomfortable with it. I don't know if I may be overreacting because I feel like I made him cut her off when they apparently aren't that close to begin with.