I’m a 24-year-old woman from India living with my father (57), mother (54), and brother (20). I want to share my life story, particularly about the abuse my mother and I have faced from my father, and how it’s shaped our family. This is long, but I need to get it off my chest. Childhood in a Lower Middle-Class Family Growing up, we were a lower middle-class family. My father has always had anger issues and a fragile ego. My earliest memories are of him fighting with my mother—arguments that escalated from small disagreements to physical violence. He’d hit her, curse at her, and belittle her in front of me and my brother. As a young child, I felt helpless watching it unfold.
One night, my mother asked him to let us kids sleep in front of the cooler. He exploded, broke the cooler’s wire, beat her, and stormed out, leaving us in the middle of the night. Another time, his sister fed him lies about my mother, and he came home furious, attacking her without listening to her side. These incidents were frequent throughout my childhood and teens. Financial and Emotional Abuse Beyond physical abuse, my father controlled my mother financially. Whenever she asked for money for basic household needs, he’d curse at her and refuse. She resorted to secretly taking money from him to buy essentials for us. Only about 5-6 years ago did she insist he give her a small daily amount for expenses, which he reluctantly does now.
Emotionally, he was cruel—insulting her, her parents, and accusing her of things she never did. He’d flaunt inappropriate stories, like giving another woman a ride on his motorcycle, to hurt her. After fights, he’d beat her and disappear for days, leaving us worried and alone. Neighbors later told us he had a history of running away even before their marriage, with his mother searching for him. Why My Mother Stayed My mother endured this because she had an arranged marriage and no support to leave. Her mother told her she’d have no place in her family if she left her husband. Her brother blamed her for the abuse and offered no help. With no job skills, no money, and two kids to raise, she felt trapped. I resent my uncle deeply for dismissing her pain. My Own Struggles As a child, I tried to protect my mother, but I was too young to do much. Once, during a fight, I hit my father to stop him from hurting her. He slapped me hard across the face multiple times and left the house. I was devastated.
My mother, overwhelmed by her own abuse, took out her frustration on me. She’d get angry over small things and hit me frequently when I was a kid and teenager. It stopped about 9-10 years ago, but the memories linger. I’d cry alone, feeling worthless, and even thought about ending my life as a young teen, though I never acted on it.
She also projected my father’s accusations onto me, calling me names and assuming the worst about me, even though I was a shy kid who barely spoke to boys. I wasn’t allowed to play outside, attend friends’ birthday parties, or socialize much. My teenage years were spent in a strict routine: school, home, study, repeat. This isolation led to social anxiety and depression, which I still struggle with.
My mother treated me like a maid at times, piling household responsibilities on me. I think she was unloading the pain my father caused her. In Indian society, where reputation ("izzat") matters, she felt powerless to protect me from judgment or harm because my father had no social standing. So my parents have not been there for me emotionally as my father was just absent and my mother called me sensitive for ever sharing my fellings. Recent Years During COVID, my mother battled depression and had dark thoughts. I supported her through it, and she’s doing better now, though not fully healed. We moved houses a few years ago, which is another complicated story.
The physical abuse has mostly stopped in the last 8 years, likely because my brother is older now, and my father seems wary of him. Financially, things are slightly better—he gives my mother money for household expenses, though it’s still not much. A few days ago, I had a heated argument with my father. Years of pent-up pain came pouring out, and I told him how much I resent him for the abuse he’s put my mother and our family through. I was honest about my anger and how his actions have hurt me deeply. It felt like a release, but it’s left things tense at home. I’m struggling with guilt and wondering if I should’ve stayed silent, especially since we still live together.