Okay, so I know it sounds bad but please hear me out. I, a woman in the USA, have a friend in the UK that is FtM that was my best friend for a solid year and some change. We played games together, told each other everything, and spent most, if not all, our time together when we were free. Our other friend, F, who I still talk to and am close with, is hurt over the situation. So I came here for advice.

So, my friend has had a mental break in the past. Was gone a good few weeks, but still sent messages back to me when I reached out to check on him. This time though.. it was different.

It started with use meeting a new group of friends. These friends played the same games as us three did. But, I started noticing that all his time was spent with others. I was fine with it. Honestly happy for him to have new friends outside us and was honestly very welcoming to the idea of it all. That changed when he suddenly just.. stopped showing up in vcs with me and her. He sort of, stopped talking to us or joining us for things we planned weeks prior.

I chalked it up to his depression messing with his memory and we would plan for a different day. But then he started telling me we could talk about planning things another day. I was worried he was gonna have another mental break, but he seemed to still play with the other group.

2 months pass with the occasional tiktok or half hearted reply to my messages or to hers. Now, last time he had a mental break he vanished for 2 weeks and a few days. Barely replying, but he avoided games and people all together. But this time, after our other best friend confronted him, he messaged back saying he was having a mental break and that he was only playing games that were mindless so he didn't have to think.

Yet, the games he played required a lot of thinking. They were the same games we played all the time. He promised to try and be better, only to vanish for another month. He joined a vc and played 4 times with us for short times, not speaking outside typing, then would vanish again. Fine. It's what it is.

He then got mad at me for not telling him about major changes in my life, got sick, divorced, and a new job. I asked him how I could tell him, he was never around or answered me when I texted. This led to a fight and the other friend had to step in. Well, he started showing up every afternoon about a week after for another like.. 4 days?

He then, vanished back to the other friends despite us talking about nesting in a game we played that same day. Of course, I got upset and I was a bit of a bch here but.. I tagged him in our private friends chate, like 5 of us are in there, and asked when he was gonna tell the truth about what's really going on and stop with the bs, cause if he was so bad off mentally, why didn't he tell us like he always had in the past? Or why he swore he wasn't playing the same games but I could see him online rn in the same server? That while I understand mental health is important, I go to therapy and this has been the topic lately, I don't understand how he could call me his best friend and then just bail on me for others and claim it's his mental health.

That I not longer trust him and that, while if it is his mental health I hope he gets the help he truly needs, I won't sit around and be strong along and made to cry all night over him anymore.

And before anyone asks, he is gay, I'm bi, and our other friend is straight. She agreed with what I said and told me not to feel bad. But he is trying to guilt trip me into giving him a 4th chance.. would I be the bad guy if I told him no?