Some context: I'm a retired, disabled(mobility issue) woman in my 60s. I'm highly intelligent and very independent. Unfortunately I am also on a fixed income, so I am one of three lifelong friends who share a home. Each of us would prefer to live alone but sadly today's economy makes it impossible. One of my roommates is without a doubt one of the kindest people I've ever known.
Its driving me crazy.

She continually tells me to "feel free to sit down" if I'm tired. Gosh, I would have never thought of that? Thank God she's here.

She assures me I can "feel free to help myself" to whatever food is in the house. Oh, GOOD! I had no idea that contributing an equal share of grocery money entitled me to food.

She continually validates things that need no validation, like my right to choose my own reading material, my own music, my food and exercise choices...for instance, I'm working toward a less processed diet, but about once a week I like an ice cream. If I mention going to get an ice cream she'll launch into a ten minute long reassurance that "of course you should, you're a grown woman and if you want to get ice cream you should feel free to do so, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that..." etc etc . Oh that's wonderful, I was agonizing over my once weekly cone.

She assures me, and I have my own car btw, that I can take a drive whenever I want and that of course i should because it gives me joy. I'm so glad she's there to remind me that I have personal autonomy. Whatever would I do...

And it's not just occasional. It's CONTINUAL. UNCEASING.

Honestly it feels condescending and insulting. I've suggested...nicely...that she not parent me. I've offered reminders that I don't need validation for my choices nor permission to make them.

I've reminded her that I'm fully capable and cognizant. That one backfired, she said "Oh of COURSE you are" in a tone that strongly suggested I'm actually an idiot.

Lately I've been very bluntly telling her to knock it off. By bluntly I might mean in the bitchiest way possible.

She says she's "trying to be mindful" but here's the thing...she does this to everyone. Her husband, all of our friends, everyone. They all just ignore it.

Hell, my 11 year old grandson said to me, once, "Grammy, I don't think she can help it"

But I absolutely hate being treated like a child...and a cognitively deficient one at that.

Am I the asshole for refusing to tolerate something that tremendously irritates me?