Hi. So, this lady was sort of like a mom to me as a teen. We haven’t been as close since then until now with the baby. She’s very excited and wants to play grandma. She tests my boundaries quite a bit.

Every time we hang out, she always wants to invite. Her daughter, her friends, her family, etc. this has made me anxious. I always felt like I left having seen twice as many people as I was ready to. She’ll often say “I invited ___”, and I go along with it because of this unfortunate people pleasing curse despite feeling anxious about it deep down.

She doesn’t ask to invite. She says she invites and I guess is waiting for me to uninvite.

Anyway. Her daughter was congested. She is also “very lonely and miserable”. Also wanted her mom to visit the baby weeks ago when she was feeling miserable as well, but emotionally. I didn’t let it fly that time and she sort of made me feel bad for that. Then her daughter is on the phone complaining that it feels like she has cement in her skull, pollen is fucking her face, etc. Allergies. Momish assures me she had bad allergies when pregnant too. Then when off the phone, momish says “oh, daughter is coming over!” Instead of “She said she can come over, is that alright?”

I just went along. I don’t have a car, momish gave us a ride. I couldn’t just leave.

2 days later I find out daughter has Flu B. Momish tells me on the phone and my emotions lit up. I was angry, but I didn’t say anything out of anger. I took space, but... She heard it. Then she told her daughter how I felt.

I talked to my therapist and he suggested how I need to forgive myself for not trusting my instincts and to forgive her for not being precautious.

I talked to her in the phone and it was an off conversation. She was getting defensive about how daughter was worried and needed to tell me. As if not telling me and keeping it a secret was an option. And how they didn’t know and thought it was just allergies.

I told her I forgive myself for not being more cautious and I forgive her and she said “forgive me for what?” And got defensive again. I shut down and we ended the call pretty abruptly. I almost felt like I needed to apologize for feeling mad, and caught myself saying “my feelings are valid” multiple times on the phone.

I’m beginning to feel like this lady is more manipulative than I thought… or am I manipulating this narrative to make it seem like she is?