(long bc context sorry) hi, i (20f) work as a hairdresser and last year my colleague (58m) started working in our salon. i have been working here for 3yrs, cutting hair for 5. my colleague made a career switch and started a year ago as an intern and has been cutting only a select few hair types sinds half a year, in all but age i am his senior.

i have been teaching him since the beginning and have been pointing stuff out and giving feedback to him sinds then because that’s what happens when you’re still learning, cutting hair is a skill you develop with time.

i have been taking a step back because i don’t want to come across as demanding or condescending. i just came back from a month of sick leave a couple weeks ago and i have been noticing allot of unprofessional stuff. i have been letting it go because i don’t want to point everything out after a year and just let him do his thing, until today. now my problem is that sinds i came back, almost every time, i have to clean up his used towels from where he has left them on top of the laundry bin which is in sight of customers. he has to walk around the wash station to even get there and at that point just put them away on the shelf or throw it in! its been going on for weeks, knowing that my supervisor already asked him not to a while ago. so today, when his customer left i casually pointed it out and said something like ‘hey, your towels remember to clean them up’ he said he was getting to it and i forgot about it.

hours later im sitting down for a sec in the break room and he slides in across from me crossing his legs and tilting his head down asking me, ‘why did you do that?’ i am absolutely confused, do what? ‘about the towel why did you point that out, i thought we were having a nice day?’ i asked him what he was on about why can’t i point out the towel? no, i was just supposed to just clean it up like we always do for each other and again why would i say that to him. then when i was quiet for a second just letting it sink in because wtf is he on about not really knowing what to say. he snapped at me to ‘come on tell me, spit it out why did you have to say that?’ i told him that i have been noticing him doing this for a while and that i just pointed it out, not mean spirited. again, he asked ‘why did you feel the need to?’. so i was like you know what and told him: it annoyed me, i know for a fact you have been asked before to mind it and i just pointed it out again. if it came across as rude i didn’t mean it that way and that i was sorry for, but it still confused me why i can’t ask that??? he refused to believe he has been corrected before and then asks, how can it have come across as rude if i didn’t mean it like that. i am absolutely flabbergasted at this point.

i explained that i have autism (which he knows, he’s asked quite a bit about it in the past) and that it can influence my tone of voice. he had the balls to ask ‘but where does autism end and just your personality begin’ IM SORRY?? had to remind him that i really have no idea what i sound like because of the autism, that i can be blunt and monotone without meaning to, that can cause confusion and if that was the case then i’m sorry. he asked again why i felt the need to correct him and then started to point out my flaws and the things i do that my supervisor wouldn’t approve of and asking me how that’s any different. i just…asked him…to mind…the towels….how is this relevant?? and he obviously wasn’t eventually putting them away like he said he did if i have been doing it for him multiple times a day the last two weeks! so i was obviously asking, what brought this up because this cant just be about towels. he looks at me and says ‘no i am asking the questions now’ like i’m his misbehaving child?? going on about how it was such a nice day until i had to bring it up and in the salon no less, that i should have just let it go and cleaned it for him because thats what good colleagues do. i’m like?? because jumping in and helping each other out when its busy is different, i do that no questions asked but then leaving it for others to clean up constantly and then making it my fault when i don’t act like a pushover is something else completely! eventually he came to the conclusion that i had no good point to make and that i was just being annoyed by it and he didn’t find that a good enough explanation.

at this point i am pissed off and in no way letting up and “admitting i was wrong”, i don’t even know what he wanted from me at this point. because yes i was annoyed and even more so now and i don’t think i owe him an explanation for pointing something out that disturbed me and left the place a mess. we agreed to disagree and i left.

i kinda hope that he is just refusing to accept any form of criticism or feedback because it’s been smooth sailing for a bit and that this isn’t personal we had been getting along great before i got sick.

i have to work with him again tomorrow and it’s obviously not resolved i really don’t know what to do with this or how to act around him now.