A couple of weeks ago I was at my parents house doing chores, as I sometimes do because my mom is a cancer patient and she needs help sometimes. She's relatively fine now. We normally go out and do normal activities such as have dinner and movies, all that stuff. I've been trying to see her as much as possible since she's been decently well again, which has been the past couple of years. We even had a trip to New York together. However, to say I'm traumatized by living with her during chemotherapy would be an understatement. It has been a little much for me to see her so often at times.

Now, partly due to this but mostly other life circumstances, I need to move. I've lived in a small town in socal for my entire life and I am feeling it. Every part of me is screaming that I need to be somewhere else, somewhere far away so I can have a fresh start. I brought this up to her casually a couple times and she's told me that she doesn't want me to move, so the conversation was kind of brushed off, but now I feel this more seriously than ever.

I was running errands for her like usual in my hometown and this was really weighing on me. I simply hated being there. I think she noticed that I was not myself, so she asked and we briefly talked about it. I think I simply said "I just don't like it here anymore I think I need to be somewhere else", and what she said next shocked me into silence.

"I don't think you should move until I'm gone."

I immediately felt my heart drop and I knew this would be a traumatic moment for me. She's a hyper-empath and tends to reflect any emotions I'm feeling back at me, so she started crying, but I didn't know what to do. I couldn't be there to hang anymore, so I gave her a hug and left.

I feel like an asshole saying this, but I've been avoiding going over there ever since. It's too painful. I saw her once because I was having trouble getting my antidepressants and we take the same kind so she dropped some over and I was very grateful. However, I don't know how to deal with this. The cacophony of emotions I'm feeling is strange. I feel confused and trapped. The way she said it made it seem like she was going to die soon, and nothing that's been happening has been pointing to that. She even got good news about her progress from a doctor recently.

I've been avoiding talking about it because i need space right now, but I know for a fact she's probably hurting over my avoidance and I'm feeling a lot of pressure and guilt over it. I have a hard time with the idea that I'm going to be stuck here until the worst inevitably happens. AITAH?