Update:

I apologised. I told her that I’m sorry for the way I spoke to her and that my actions weren’t justifiable regardless of how I felt. I understand she was on her break and that the way I spoke to her was me taking my frustrations out on her, a party not involved. She said she appreciates my apology, explained she really was on her break and had just returned. Said she understands my frustrations and passed it along to the nurse in charge of my mum. I once again apologised, cos I really do feel terrible for the way that I spoke to her.

I was trying to justify my actions because I was worried about my mum but the reality is that as some of you have mentioned, I was taking out my anger on her rather than approaching the head nurse with my complaint or even the person who in that moment was in charge of mum. I let my fears get in the way of my common sense, but yeah. Definitely won’t be happening again. A lesson learned.

Thanks for the reality check guys.

Original:

My (29) mum (62) has been admitted to the hospital for the last few days. Nothing new, as we’ve been dealing with admissions every single month since April 2024. The issue is, my mum has a lot of medical complications that leave us really worried when she’s left alone.

Depending on the hospital, we would usually stay overnight. Swapping shifts between siblings accordingly. This hospital doesn’t allow for that, so I try to come as early as possible to be with her and check how she’s doing.

I walked in on mum with oxygen on today, which is a sign that she’s not doing well. She’s been complaining of severe dizziness (vertigo). She pressed the bell when I arrived and no one came. When it reached the 20 minute mark, I went to go find someone.

The person I found wasn’t a nurse, but the nursing assistant. You know the person who deals with pretty much everything other than distributing medication. When I asked if she was in charge of my mum, the conversation went something like:

Me: my mum rang the bell 20 minutes ago… Her: sorry, I was on my break. Me: I understand, but is there no one else taking care of mum then? Her: the nurse is. Me: Clearly not. So is my mum not important enough for you guys to do a proper handover? If anything happened to her in those 20 minutes none of you would even know since I’ve had to come out and find you. Her: sorry I was on my break. Me: I understand, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s experiencing severe vertigo right now and could’ve vomited on herself causing aspiration pneumonia on top of the septic neutropenia she already has. Make it make sense why no one has come to see her for the 20 minutes she’s been calling. Her: I’ll get the nurse for you. Me: thank you. Her: silent Me: walks away

I understand I most definitely took my frustration out on her and I should definitely apologise, which I plan to do. She was on her break and it was definitely not her responsibility to make sure mum was seen when she wasn’t here. I definitely should’ve kept my mouth shut and let the actual nurse hear it. But I was super annoyed.

I’ve been dealing with hospitals for so long right now that I know for a fact when a nurse or assistant goes on a break, someone takes over. I find it completely irresponsible of them to have checked on mum at 8 am and then left her to be without checking on her once until I arrived.

They know mum isn’t capable of getting up and doing what she wants or even going out to find them (she had a stroke which left her left side paralysed). They know she’s a complicated case and to take care of her (pneumonia, septic neutropenia, sarcoidosis, diverticula, Hep B and most recent progressive lymphoma).

She’s been here a couple of days and this is the first time we’ve had problems with any of the nurses or anyone. The last few days they would come straight away, within a minute or 2. Check on mum and let us know they would be back or if they were busy. The point is, they checked on mum. On top if that, they would know how she’s doing as they’re supposed to check her blood pressure, temp and oxygen levels every hour but for some reason today they’re very laissez-faire about mums care and it’s stressing me and mum out.

On one hand I want to and probably should apologise as I was an AH but on the other hand, is it wrong for me to be an AH when mums health is on the line?