I (36F) have a married female friend (35F), husband is (37M). Married for 5 years, dated for 1+. We have been friends for more than a decade. She was a colleague of mine but we do keep contact every once in a while. Around September last year, she contacted me to attend our former colleague's wedding and after that once in a while we hang out to eat/for coffee.

Around Oct/Nov I found out that her husband laid his hands on her (as a DV survivor myself, it triggered me a lot to hear that). The story was that he sneaked around her phone and he found deleted pictures of her and a guy, the guy was hugging her by the waist. She got angry and she slapped him and he did it to her back. They both went to told their respective parents (husband's family live in the same city whilst hers are in a different city). So I told her, if you need anything, you can always go to my place for safety.

I met with her a couple of days ago for coffee, she told me that her husband is still suspicious of her and following her every move. Apparently she met another guy friend (just the two of them at an open area coffee shop) and she informed husband where they were and her husband abruptly came and was being violent (ask nearby thugs to beat up the guy), so she got scared. I am still on her side by this point.

But during our conversation, she let it slipped that she did in fact cheated on her husband and are already talking about divorce. The guy who she cheated with went dark but her husband somehow is still keeping an eye on him (private eye or something). Her husband is telling her that he's gonna get even with this guy (I tend to think of the worst on this one) because the last time, they only have a restraining order (similar to this, I don't live in America)

So I was basically guiding her step by step on how to defuse his anger via text while I was talking to her. I told her to tell him that she is sorry for not letting him get even in the first place (a punch or two) and that she doesnt want to ruin their marriage even more if things got ugly (police involved and such). I asked her if she knew if he had been cheated on in the past and I told her his pain and fear had festered and that men most likely resort to violence. She mentioned he said 'you made me do this' which is narc's textbook gaslighting (i am well aware of that) and it scared me for a while because thats what my ex used to do to me.

I advised her to go to marriage counselling and gave her list of doctors for recommendation. She doubted that her husband is willing to go at first but he is.

After a little more 'prying' for information, turns out she almost always never introduced/included him in her circle of friends. When asked why, she said that her husband is very quiet and awkward around people and she kinda feels ashamed of him (I advised her to start slowly introducing him to her circle of friends to make him feel at ease and be less suspicious, to build more trust and transparency)

For additional info:

• They have been trying to have a kid but failed, want to try again but money got in the way (for now)

• She makes more money than him. Her friends suspected that he's using her for money but I don't because he's also working but making less and she doesnt pay for everything. She owns the house and has a car. Husband only has motorcycle.

• Her husband is introverted, wife is very extroverted. I am currently introverted (mostly ambivert)

• In-laws relationships are no longer bueño. She thinks the in-laws are siding with the husband and won't help her talking him out of it.

• Husband only knows my name but never met

Am I the asshole for siding with my friend at first because of my past experience but now I am kinda thinking she's the asshole in all this and start feeling sorry for the husband? By no means, I don't condone any kind of violence from/to both sexes. They already talked about divorce and she seems to be okay with it and she just wants to get it over with. Like she did wrong and now she wants to move past this. She said that she thinks divorce is gonna hit him harder than it will to her.

What do you guys think?

PS: Sorry if my story seems to be all over the place, has typos, sentences that dont make sense. English is my second language.

Edit: husband is reluctant to get a divorce. I have only guesses, no way to find out.