So, we have been together for nearly 14 years. We have a son who was born about a year after we started dating(he has ADHD, which is significant to the situation). Our relationship has never been perfect but I like to think I've put in substantial effort, being an attentive parent, the primary income for the last 5+ years, being the cook, and doing what I'd consider a fair share of household duties considering I work FT and she works PT so is home more. For my efforts I've been told I'm lazy, unhelpful, and generally looked down on. Oh, and cheated on with 2 separate guys, one of which obliterated my only friend group.

I know full well I could leave based on the affairs alone. But this is where it gets complicated. I know she loves our son but when I tell you she gets annoyed by him (ADHD, he's always doing something), I mean downright intolerant. Like yelling, belittling, pissed off at the drop of a hat kinda. She's always had a temper, got it from her dad, but it's been increasing over the years towards me and our son. She even got upset the other night because I have an easier time getting him to do stuff with me (likely because I'm much more patient with him). She's also losing her PT job at the end of the month, which I see as a good opportunity for her to find something better than retail (she has 2 college degrees) but she wants another PT job and seems to have no desire to find FT work.

So here's my conundrum(s): one, there's a definite bias for mothers to get primary custody and I legitimately worry how that would affect them both. Two, I know she can't afford rent by herself and she would likely have to move in with her mom and sister who live in a small town about an hour away. This would make visiting (whatever the custody situation) difficult. Three, I do still care about her in spite of all she's done. She needs meds that are covered by my work health care. Not having the meds wouldn't necessarily be life threatening but it would severely impact her quality of life. Four, I'm unsure either of us would find new partners. I'm ok with being alone (maybe that's depression talking) but I know she wouldn't be ok. Five, it's not always bad, everything is usually "ok" but it feels like walking on egg shells.

Lately when we've argued, she suggests she should leave, that we would be happier if she weren't around. And I'm torn cuz, like, maybe??? It'd certainly be more peaceful since our son and I are very similar in temperament and interests. I think he would adjust well enough, but who can say. I can cover the whole rent for the place we're in now and still have money to feed us and such.

I lose sleep because I still have dreams recalling discovering her affairs and I'm burning myself out at work to try and advance and get more income but also cuz some days I'd rather be there and important than at home and unappreciated.

TL;DR my wife isn't a great person but I still care for her, however I worry how she's affecting our kid. Further she's been suggesting that she leave recently and I kind of wouldn't mind it.

AITAH?!

I tried posting this to relationship advice but it was flagged for some reason.

Thanks for reading. Your advice is appreciated.