I (21M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (21F) for two years. She's been battling serious mental health issues—depression, OCD, and anxiety—for as long as I’ve known her. It’s been getting worse lately. For the past several weeks, she’s been barely functioning, often acting like a child who needs constant attention and care. I’ve been the one taking care of her—emotionally, practically, everything. Her world revolves around me, and mine has shrunk down to revolve around her needs.

She has suicidal tendencies. And that’s probably the most terrifying part. I’ve felt like I can’t leave, no matter how drained I am, because I’m afraid of what might happen to her. She’s said before that I’m her only comfort, the only person she can rely on. And I do care about her. So I’ve stayed.

But the truth is... I feel completely alone. Unheard. Like I don’t exist outside of being her caretaker. No one asks me how I’m doing. I don’t feel loved or understood. I just feel tired. So damn tired.

And about a week ago, I did something I never thought I’d do. I started an affair with my neighbor. She knows about my girlfriend, and we never planned for it to happen—it just... did. And I hate the secrecy, the double life. But the thing is, with her, I feel seen. She gives me emotional comfort that I’ve been starved of for a long time. I know it’s not right, and I carry a lot of guilt with me every day. But it also feels like the only thing keeping me from completely breaking down.

I don’t know what I want anymore. I don’t know how to leave without feeling like I’d destroy someone. But I also don’t know how much longer I can live like this without destroying myself.

I just needed to get this off my chest. I don’t expect advice. I’m just a young guy caught between loving someone, losing myself, and desperately reaching for something that feels like oxygen. AITAH?