I (32m) am married (32f) with two young kids. I am the youngest of three (41f sister and 39m brother). I am fortunate enough to have a high paying career that is pretty stable.

My mother, unfortunately, will be gone soon, and my father passed 10 years ago. She is suffering a heart condition that has started heavily affecting her lungs. She will likely be in hospice care by the end of the year, and we have been told to plan accordingly.

Throughout her illness, I have done by far the most out of her kids to support her. This isn’t necessarily my siblings’ fault. My brother lives across the country and my sister lives close, but she has an extremely full slate include a high needs disabled daughter. Money isn’t a big deal right now (see below), but they rarely take time to see her (never, in my brother’s case) and my mom is in the process of moving into my house until she is ready for hospice.

My siblings’ behavior has really bothered my mom. She’s particularly angry with my sister, but has always had a rocky and distant relationship with my brother. Recently, she told me she was strongly considering amending her will to significantly reduce their share, and possibly eliminate my brother’s altogether. I would largely benefit, obviously.

I didn’t think much of it until I looked into her finances and realized the inheritance was significant. We have never been wealthy, and she has always lived within her means. But looking at her assets, my mom managed her money incredibly well, paid debts, invested the life insurance payout from my dad, and owns her house outright along with a small vacation cabin that she inherited and bought her sister out of a while ago (using the life insurance money). Also, since her and my dad both worked for 30-40 years, but died or will die fairly young, her retirement accounts are in great shape and mostly untouched (she is starting to drain these accounts to pay for medical care, but still).

All in all, we’re looking at $1.0m to $1.7m once we liquidate her estate, in my estimation. Here’s where “AITAH” comes in:

I’ve begged my mom not to change her will and to just leave it at 1/3, 1/3, 1/3. My wife is miffed, to say the least. She thinks I am pissing away hundreds of thousands of dollars just to avoid confrontation.

In fairness to my wife, she (a) has an amazing relationship with my mom, and always has, and (b) a TON of the care we give my mom has fallen on my wife (who is a SAHM). My wife and mom’s relationship is probably a significant motivator for my mom’s willingness to rewrite the payout. She has not said as much, but I think she views this as an acknowledgment that she is closer with my wife and our kids than she has ever been with my brother.

Here’s the thing: We are walking into hundreds of thousands of dollars either way! This is a giant windfall no matter what. I don’t want to blow up my relationship with my siblings (particularly my sister, who I think is getting screwed in all of this). I don’t think it’s worth it. Also, shit like this ends up in court ALL THE TIME.

My wife, still, is pissed. She doesn’t expect me to encourage my mother to rewrite her will, but she is tired of me talking her OUT of it and she flipped when I hinted that we might just need to ignore it and give my brother a payout, anyway, when this is all said and done. My wife has also hinted on more than one occasion that—as a result of her fantastic relationship with my mom and all of the care she has and will give to my mom—she feels like she has earned this, to some extent.

This is going to be a thing for the next few months. My mom has asked for estate attorney referrals (I am a lawyer, btw), and I’ve been putting it off.

AMITAH if I continue to argue to my mother that she needs to keep the estate divided evenly to ensure long term family unity? Should I give my wife deference on this because of her relationship with my mom and the sacrifices she is making?