A few years back, after getting ghosted by my ex I sought validation on Tinder. I met this wonderful man and tried to push him away but fell in love with him. However, I wasn’t ready for a relationship, and it seemed like he wasn’t either. I also met up with this guy who would only be best descibed as looking like a sickly Mii(Wii) with a butt chin. My friend found him on Tinder while we were drunk and I pursued him, knowing I wasn’t interested. He wasn’t my type physically and he was also a massive fuckboy, lining up the next girl while I was still there. I told all of these people who were into me, that I had sex with this man when I hadn’t yet, however not too long after, I did end up having sex with him. I was also seeing that amazing man at the time, and he had asked about him and I said there was nothing between us. We didn’t start an exclusive relationship until over a month after I had sex with this man, and I had honestly forgot, the sex wasn’t great. I never disclosed with my boyfriend that I had sex with this man, and he feels our entire relationship (of 6 years) is completely a lie. He says that if he knew I had sex with that other man, he would’ve blocked me. I robbed him that choice.

I don’t disagree with him on this, what I did was absolutely not something anyone should ever inflict on anyone else. However, I honestly forgot, it wasn’t a noteworthy event, and I stopped talking to this guy after the relationship started.

My partner found this all out while snooping through my phone and digging up conversations from prior to our relationship, as I guess he couldn’t find anything to be upset about during our actual relationship. I believe he only snooped in retaliation to him breaking a dealbreaker boundary I had set, as I found the evidence on his computer for months. He told me he loved me and would never do it again. A month after, I assume he wanted to try to find dirt on me, as I found something on him. He had to go back past the beginning of our relationship, as from the moment I asked him to be my boyfriend I chose him and only him. I chose him every day and poured all of the love in my heart into our relationship.

We found all of this out 3.5 years ago, and I forgave him for the boundary breach, even though it was a continuous act, therefore an active choice. Even though he reassured me he would never do that as he was actively participating. I make this known to future potential partners ahead of time, so they can decide whether to pursue me long term or not. The fuckboy from Tinder never knew about this boundary because I didn’t care about him, I was just using him for validation. It helped that he was a fuckboy, because it allowed me to not feel bad for using him, as he was also using me.

Anyway, I had a shitty one night stand a month before my relationship started, but definitely after we had started to flirt, and I didn’t disclose that I had sex with this man, and he found out through my messages instead of me. He has since kicked me out with only half a months notice, right after a family member was severely hospitalized for multiple life threatening concerns and had to have surgery. No discussion or willingness to make it work.

I am accountable for the actions I have taken, I was a shit person, however I have changed drastically even over the past two years, let alone 6 years. The person I am today would absolutely never do these things to anyone, especially the man that inspired me to love life again when everything got dark for me.

I do wish I was able to make it right, because he did deserve better. That is exactly why I didn’t start a relationship with him until I personally thought that I would be able to treat him how he deserves. He helped me get in touch with the warmth of my heart, he inspired me to fall in love with life again. I only wish that I had told him about this while I still remembered it, however, I can’t undo I had sex with the man. I can’t go and un-tell the lies I’ve previously given or I definitely would. All I can currently offer is effort and communication and to be a better person going forward. I can’t dwell on my mistakes of the past or they’ll consume me.

I have tried to bring up my issues on the breach of my boundaries but he didn’t want to discuss. Always was quick to shift the blame back to me from all those years ago, instead of ever owning up to the issue that caused the snoop-fest to begin with. He didn’t seem very emotionally available and I had to bottle up all of my feelings about his betrayal. His reasoning for always blaming me for even his own mistreatment is because if I told him the truth all those years back, he would’ve blocked me.

I did mess up, royally even. However, this was over 6 years ago and I have changed a lot as a person. I love this man deeply, we have a very deep connection to the point where he feels like “my person” or my “soulmate” I don’t know if there’s any coming back from it on either side.

AITAH?