Me (21F) and my live in girlfriend (23F) have been together since 2024 and have honestly lost our spark. We started out dating and spending time together that was so fun, valuable, and intimate to where it seemed like it was something that had potential.

Now that we’re living together. I feel like she’s gotten distant, annoyed, and angry with me.

I try to entice open and honest communication, clearly talk about how i’m feeling and what i would like to see change, and then i get told that all i’m doing is “bitching” and that i create problems in my head meanwhile i feel like i’ve simply communicated my feelings and what id like to see change. I feel like i’m not respected, valued, or appreciated and id like for my feelings and viewpoints to be valued and taken into consideration, held, hugged, kissed, and appreciated in the bedroom as well. when i ask for that, regardless of timing or situation (like us having a romantic night, going to dinner, or me giving her acts of service like a massage, candlelit bath, etc.) i get denied and she masterbates next to me. when i communicated that i was uncomfortable with that due to her not consenting to us having sexual intimacy (it wouldn’t make sense for me to be denied consent to not consent to experiencing or witnessing her pleasing herself. i feel like if we communicated beforehand and it being some kind of “look but don’t touch” situation it would be different, but it doesn’t sit right with me because of a lack of consent from either parties) so, she masterbated next to me while i was sleeping. for how long? i don’t know. i just woke up while she was doing it one time and expressed my concern due to our conversation about my comfort level with that.

These things being brought up leads to her getting upset, visibly annoyed or angry, and me being told i’m creating problems.

Today, i introduced the idea of us going on more dates, having fun by going to parks, hiking, doing spiritual things like meditation or yoga and she told me “all you do is bitch”

am i the asshole? she would prefer to cuddle with her dog than me and told me i had no self respect and was worth less than her dog on occasion, so i had to sleep on the floor.

(i would be fine with this if it was communicated about and if it was some kind of “thing” for her but it just seems damaging and abusive behavior)

When i try to spoon or even touch her i get physically smacked/pushed away or told that she doesn’t want affection and isn’t comfortable with it, which i understand and respect but it’s something that makes me feel safe and secure in a relationship. Just being with them, knowing that i’m safe in their arms, and being able to smell their pheromones and to be enamored with their aura. I want the girl that I met back.

The fun, exciting, snuggle bug, foodie, spiritual master, esoteric wisdom teacher, lover girl, and music junkie back.

I don’t know what i’ve done or what i’m failing to do. I’ve stayed the same. I don’t know where she went. She’s different now and i think it’s just me at this point that’s making her disappear.

So, Pretty please with a cherry on top:

1. How do i do better in my approach with communication when it comes to bringing up wants/needs/ideas for things we can do together for fun
2. Am i the asshole?