Hello, I am in need of some advice. For some background, I (23M) have a girlfriend (20F) who is my first relationship and we've been together for just over a year. We met at uni and we were both in our final years, but I decided to quit uni and am now working full time instead. She is still finishing off her course.

The first 6 months of our relationship (as is to be expected) were great, amazing. But we started to get into arguments quite a bit after this. I can't even count the amount of times we've had really intense arguments over seemingly small things, to the point where I look back and I think, why did we argue? And I'm starting to worry that we're not right for eachother, even though we do have a lot of love and affection for eachother, I just worry we don't work as a couple. This worry is exarcerbated further by my overthinking and my now self-diagnosed 'ROCD' which is just the overthinking of everything in a relationship. So some insight might be helpful for me to wrap my head around this

Sometimes I love her so much, but sometimes she pisses me off and hurts me that I get thrown off, and the affection wears off little by little. And I'm worried, I'll be so fed up one day that I won't love her anymore.

For example, we've had basically two arguments within the span of a week or so. Last week, I messaged her asking her if she could come round my house to help me with uploading some old clothes I wanted to sell, something she's actually been trying to get me to do for months. I finally got the urge to do a clear out that day and messaged her. She replied "I'll try to come but it depends on how much work I get done" as she is working on her final deadlines. I completely understand and tell her no worries, let me know if you can later then. She even suggests that I could bring all of the clothes to her house so we could do it there so she isn't away from her computer for so long. I tell her I'd rather not do that because I was on a time crunch and driving to and fro (I drive, she doesn't) with all the clothes was going to be time consuming for me, so we left it at that for the time being. Later on, I'm still spending a lot of the day taking pictures, ironing, folding, uplaoding clothes, and I wonder whether she would be free by now, since she said she might be after she does some work and some help would be nice. So I try to call her. No reply. She texts me back saying she's at a restaurant with her flatmates, and this makes me quite annoyed and angry. Not because I don't want her to be out with her friends, on the contrary, she regularly goes out with friends and I am happy for her to go, but because I asked her for help and she gave the excuse that she was working, and then went out to eat instead. I just felt ignored and not valued. I also have gotten into arguments with her about her not making the effort of taking the bus to come see me and this was part of it this time too, she regularly makes the excuse that she doesn't have money or doesn't want to lug things on the bus. I believe in this instance, she didn't want to take the bus up to help me so she decided to ignore me and go do things with her flatmates instead. The excuse she gave when I called her out on this was "Oh I didn't know you wanted it done today" and "I was trying to please two different sides and I couldn't help it". She apologised half heartedly but still continued making those excuses. The worst thing about it is it isn't even a long bus ride its 10-12 mins at the most, sometimes less if there's no traffic. I was so frustrated that I didn't want to speak to her for the next day or two, and in the end, she's the one who broke down and wanted to see me again after that spat and this time took a taxi at nearly midnight to come see me. It also annoyed me that on that day she went to that pizza restaurant with her flatmates, she had literally gone to the same place two days earlier with her course friends, my point being she keeps complaining to me about not having enough money, and not wanting to pay for the bus, yet she goes out twice in the span of two days.

Today she pissed me off again. I could be in the wrong in this, and maybe in the instance above, but I'll tell what happened. I am currently working in a town about 40 mins away from our town where we live, and regularly work 9-10h a day, getting home around midnight, and after that I just want to go home and shower and sleep. Tonight she texted me saying the house was lonely, all her flatmates had gone home for Easter and wanted to see if I could stay the night. I told her I couldn't because I am finishing late tonight and tomorrow I have to get up again and go to work for another 10h so I'd need to be at mine to get dressed, prepare my food for the day etc. I offered to pick her up and have her stay at mine instead, she refused, said she needed to do uni work in the morning. On the one hand I definitely understand that she needs to focus on her deadline (its the last one of her degree in a few days) and I was entirely okay with not seeing her until she had submitted everything. But it was the fact that she had asked me to come over, but when I couldn't, she wouldn't make the effort to come to mine and dropped the idea, even though she can work from anywhere, she has a laptop and I have a desk and external monitor in my room, she could choose to work at that desk while I potentially made breakfast the next morning. I just feel like she only needs me when she is in need of my presence. "I miss you baby, can you come over tonight". But it's always on her terms and I have to navigate around her work, and I feel she relies on that excuse alot more that she realises. And when it doesn't suit her, she doesn't make the effort to see me and if I wanted to see her, I'm the one who drives over. Also, I'm pretty sure if her flatmates were home, she wouldn't be messaging me to stay the night. I feel used, I feel like she's being selfish, and I feel like as long as she's like this when she has a deadline in the future, a job, another commitment etc, I'll always feel like she's not putting me first. Again just to be clear, I support her with the uni work as much as I can, but she doesn't seem value me until the deadline is complete and is incredibly rigid and inflexible with her plans, and sometimes hypocritical too.

The caveat to all this is that when she's not snowed in under a deadline she's not like this at all, she the complete opposite, she's generous, kind, loving, she loves cooking and baking for me etcc. But I just find it hard dealing with her two sides.

Anyway, apologies for the long read, but AITAH? Am I in the wrong, am I being selfish myself, needy? Or is she doing some things which need to be talked over about What are your thoughts? Thanks to all in advance