My wife (let’s call her Nikki) has two kids with her ex (let’s call him Rick) and they share custody. Nikki originally left Rick because of verbal/physical abuse along with his habitual cheating. Since Nikki and I have been together, Rick has messaged her many inappropriate things, verbal abuse, innuendos and out-right sexual propositions. She has saved screenshots of it all.

To this day he verbally abuses her over the phone and through text frequently. He threatens to take her to court to take the kids away on a monthly bases. He doesn’t actually have anything but lies but he does this as a manipulation tactic. The shit he does boils my blood.

Nikki is non-confrontational and just wants to pretend everything is fine and she wants me to pretend everything is fine as well. I’m not the kind of person who can do that easily. This has been a stress point in our relationship.

A fight Nikki and I had regarding Rick: one of the boys was having disciplinary issues at school. I was on a PT video call along with Nikki and Rick. Rick lost his mind about me being on the call saying I had no business being on the call. He has a deep insecurity about me having any kind relationship with the boys. I care for them a lot and I have their best interest in mind. A couple of weeks later, more trouble at school and there was a scheduled in-person PT meeting. Rick was telling Nikki he would take the kids away from her if I showed up. We had a planned week vacation coming up and he was saying he wasn’t going to let them go and ruin or vacation plans. I know this to be just manipulation bullshit so I had every intention on going. That is until Nikki, my wife, begged me crying not go. This put me in a really tough spot. I care a lot for my stepsons and have every right to be at the PT meeting. Furthermore, Rick is a bully, and I know the only way to deal with bullies is by standing your ground. But in doing so I would have break Nikki’s wishes and I felt I wasn’t going to have her support in this so I swallowed my pride and didn’t go the PT meeting.

I can’t fucking stand to be around Rick. Oh he puts on a face in public and on the surface seems like a nice guy but he rotten on the inside. Anytime I am around him, I am compelled to bring up the bullshit he says to Nikki and I want to do it in a public setting around people we know so everyone know how much of a piece of shit this guy is. I stifle that compulsion as that would undoubtedly set of a shitstorm. One I don’t mind being in, but Nikki wants to pretend nothing is wrong. She is content with being his punching bag (verbal abuse) so long as it keeps the peace. I’m basically fucking seething anytime I’m around him. There is a problem and I want to address it.

Fast forward to a couple of days ago. We are on “vacation” for one of my stepson’s soccer tournament in a foreign country. Unfortunately the vacation comes with Rick and his better half (let’s call her Ash) no disrespect to Ash. She seems like a genuine person. Nikki and Ash get along great. Nikki told me she was going drinking with Ash. No issue by me. She got back to the room late at night drunk as expected. No issue until today I asked if Rick was there as well and of course he was. Nikki could not understand why that upset me as Ash was there. I am not at all a controlling person and I’m trusting my wife. But I don’t trust Rick at all. Yea, Ash being there could at as a barrier to his bullshit but the situation could change, especially when alcohol is involved. Being drunk puts one in a vulnerable state. I don’t like the idea of her being drunk around her douche ex-husband with or without Ash.

Nikki wants to be chummy and hangout with them this entire vacation and I just don’t fucking understand it. It is exhausting to me to pretend nothing is wrong when I’m in the same vicinity as this fuck. I don’t talk to him or address him because I have no respect for him. And when I around him, I’m just waiting for him to slip up. Just give me a fucking reason to blow up this powder keg. That’s what my reactionary thinking wants to do. My rational thinking wants the four of us to have an adult conversation about stopping this bullshit and if it causes a shit storm, so be it. If it were solely up to me, I would call him out and give all the screenshots of the vile shit he says to Ash (including the texts were he is asking Nikki for her friends’ numbers so he can booty call them). She has a library of incriminating texts from the dickhead. Part of me wants to goad him do something stupid (and he quite idiotic) and then take him to court and have Nikki get full custody of the boys.

TLDR: my wife puts up with a lot of verbal abuse and many inappropriate texts and phone calls to “keep the peace” because they share joint custody with two boys. I to address it and air out his shady texts to get him to stop.

Edit: I wrote this in anger. I would never start a shitstorm without my wife’s consent.