My older brother (26f) was always an addict. I (21f) was always told to never follow in his foot steps. My parents have bankrupted themselves going into debt getting him into various rehabs and he just never got sober or clean. He'd do okay for a few weeks or months and end up getting hooked back on pills or getting arrested. One time he fist fought my dad and broke his nose and they still bailed him out. My parents were always bailing him out of jail and sending him to rehab. There was no college savings for me because my parents spent it all to send him to rehab. My parents paid his child support when he knocked up two random girls within the span of six months each. I have two nieces I've never met because they live so far away. My parents even sold their house and moved states away just to be able to support my brother while I stayed and moved in with my boyfriend because my parents were downsizing and they "didn't have room for me" (their words, not mine. They still hold out hope my brother's two children will start having weekend visits with them and they can play do-over with their grandchildren).

Despite my brother's problems, he's still my brother and I loved him. He was a great big brother when we were kids. He'd deal with school bullies for me, I remember him making me lunch in elementary school and teaching me to ride a bike and climb trees and throwing frogs on me (I was deathly afraid of frogs as a kid and he knew it! But now I can look back and laugh because I shaved his eyebrows when I was 11 the night before picture day).

My boyfriend (24m) also has history with drug abuse in his family. His dad passed away when he was young due to alcohol and drug abuse. My boyfriend is straight edge and I've always respected that. I wouldn't call myself straight edge but I don't drink and I've never smoked or touched drugs out of respect to him (and just not wanting to end up like my brother). Whenever I tried talking about my brother he would tell me to stop because it was "too painful" for him to relive the "trauma" of his father dying. I have been a crying mess since yesterday when my mom called me to tell me my brother had died. When I told my boyfriend that my brother had passed away he responded in the most callous, cruel way. He called him a “useless junkie” and said he “brought it on himself" and that his two daughters are "lucky they don't have to have a junkie father hanging over their head." I was really shocked. I tried to explain that my brother had demons and that his addiction didn't define him as a person, but he doubled down, telling me he was just "dead weight" and "a burden on everyone" especially my parents. I told him he was being shitty and disrespectful to my brother. He wasn't perfect but he was still my brother and I needed to go say goodbye and be there for my parents because I'm their last living child

That’s when things got even worse. He said that if I went to the funeral, we would be done because it was "too emotional needy" and that I needed to "get my shit together" from someone who was obviously toxic to my life. He even went as far as to say that my brother was dead now and that I should focus on our future together. I tried bringing up that I have two nieces that I need to be aware of and look out for and he said that they didn't need me, he needs me more. He basically tried to forbid me from going, saying it wasn’t healthy and I should be thinking about us instead. He transferred the money out of our joint bank account back to his own bank account to prevent me from buying a plane ticket. I told him that keeping me from saying goodbye to my only brother was bullshit and he was being a selfish asshole to which he called me a dumb bitch and threatened to kick me out of our shared apartment (my name isn't on the lease but I contribute 75% of my paychecks to our joint account even though he makes more than me because we agreed to be "fair") I ended up calling my mom and breaking down on the phone to her over this and it felt like she just guilt tripped me more because then she started crying about how I really must not care about her or my dad or my brother because otherwise I'd be there with them already

I ended up packing a bag and texting a friend to get away from him and I'll be crashing in her living room on an air mattress for tonight at least. I told my boyfriend we were done and I can't be with someone who would be so mean and cruel to me when I just lost my brother. I was venting to my friend about all of this and my friend said I was overreacting and shouldn't rush to break up with him because my parents live over 1,000 miles away and at least my boyfriend is "stable" when my parents aren't. AITAH here or is my boyfriend correct? Should I not go to my brother's funeral? AITAH for wanting to break up with him?