Basically I (17F) am dating J (17 M) and we have been together for 7 months. So far we really haven’t had any conflicts other than the start of our relationship and that’s about it. This has slightly been a persistent issue and my goal is to figure out how to properly explain my viewpoint to him/ why I got mad because he doesn’t understand.

The issue at hand is one of our mutual friends A (F) has been acting a little too close for comfort towards him. Before this situation happened some examples are play fighting (which they were doing before we were dating), asking for food off his plate (like right after we started dating), joining us (J and I) a lot in our walks, and the key moment that made me a little worried, she was trying to force open a window to say hi to him. After I had already said “we don’t have to do that since he is coming here anyways” and held the window shut. The reason I was so worried about the window is because we were in a classroom, for a club meeting, and the teacher wasn’t there so I felt it wasn’t appropriate to do. I also told him this was how I was feeling about her before the situation happened. At this point I also haven’t talked to her about her actions bothering me, but Ill explain why later. The problem that caused the argument was the fact that:

1. J and A were hanging out alone for an hour and a half because J had a free block (which I also had but he didn’t tell me) and ended up finding A and hanging out with her

2. On our campus there is a coffee place which they walked to together at the time we were all supposed to meet at before walking. This is a time A knows well, and i saw them walking off to the building together.

3. They leave and they both have drinks (which I assume he bought, but it turns out he didn’t)

4. When I go to take a sip of J’s drink, A warns me that it might be hot and she burned her tongue on it with the first sip she took. (He gave her a separate straw)

So this freaked me out and I went and talked to him about how those actions left me uncomfortable, though when I first brought it up i did lowkey spam him with a lot of texts. Cherry on top, he was the one who offered her a sip of his drink. He said it was because she said she has never had the drink before (even tho her mom was obsessed with it and our other friend has brought it and baked with it multiple times) and because he is really passionate about how good it is and wants to put his friends on. Afterwards I made it clear this was a boundary I was setting for future situations and he was understanding of that but he still didn’t completely agree or understand why I was annoyed about it. Also when I told him I was originally displeased by the fact he might have bought her the drink he said that also would have been fine in his book. He also told his mom and three friends about it, only ONE of those people have a healthy relationship. In his defense I am his first girlfriend/ proper relationship EVER.

I haven’t brought anything up with A yet because when I talked to my sister about it she said:

1. If it is truly worse case where A likes J then telling her this would only mean she got what she wanted

2. A should know how to respect your best friend boyfriend (i had a talk to her ab this when she had a boyfriend)

3. I don’t want to come off as a bitch and the boundary is something we BOTH have to stand on, not just one of us.

The logic I tried explaining to him:

1. Its not good because from outsider perspective it looks like she is your girlfriend

2. Germs can still be spread even if you use a straw

3. All three of us are walking together, why would you only get a drink for her and not your girlfriend.

4. It could create the possibility of her gaining feelings and you would just be fanning the flames with that

Overall, my sister and mom want me to break up with him (which I really don’t want to do) and I really want him to better understand and agree with my view point so if a similar situation happens he knows to not interact with it out of respect. Also this might get taken down soon after as I don’t want either of them to see this because it would be awkward.

Honestly I don’t really know how to handle this as it is also my first relationship.