For some context, ex-friend, we’ll call them A for this post, and I met in late 2023 at a previous job. I left that job early last year and they stayed, but we remained friends and did a lot of stuff together over the year, concerts, events, sports events, my partner even offered to drive A home with us (4 hour drive from where we work) on Mother’s Day as A is from an area about 30 mins from the end of the route.

For context - My partner (B) working in a gov role was away in 2023 and made a friend (C) who was recently single on the trip. In late May last year B and I were invited to a sports event C was playing in and I invited A and we joked about setting up A and C. And they did start talking off and on, but did not meet up / start dating until October time, but they had plenty of arguments between May and October, of which A would vent to me about and C would vent to my partner and we obviously talked to each other and got stuck in the middle of every situation, which became a nightmare for everyone so decided it would be best to distance ourselves from that particular relationship and A was happy with this idea. I still said I would listen and give advice as a friend but wouldn’t relay any info I’d heard about C from my partner.

Fast forward to Xmas time and we had planned to meet A and C as our homes are not far from each other, but it would have been a couple hours drive on our end, A and C argued and cancelled the plans, my partner went out with family instead and a few hours later we got asked if we could still go meet A and C and said no as we were both busy then.

My partner had to move away for work early this year and I’ve been having some issues in my current role and not feeling happy with my living situation, so wasn’t in the most sociable mood and wasn’t meeting any friends or doing much of anything other than working. A and myself were meant to go to a concert abroad in early March, A’s family friend had managed to grab us tickets for free and we only had to pay for flights as they’d host us and we were really excited, planning outfits, sending concert videos to each other etc. A and I had tried to meet up a few times in Jan as I live close to their workplace and we had overlapping meetings so wasn’t possible until Feb, we met for lunch and discussed booking flights and hotels and A spent the time telling me how they had ended things with C and all of the situations that happened. I later told my partner and they had heard a different story from C and we had a disagreement over it as I had my friend’s back in the situation. I then heard from A that 3 of the 4 tickets to the concert were fake and we were no longer able to go, we had only booked flights and I had sent A £30 to book my ticket as it was easier to do together.

I had even previously sent A about £100 for a concert in July to go with A’s friends as A couldn’t go anymore and I really like the artist. (This comes up in a minute) I try and meet up with A a few times later Feb, early March and wasn’t getting the best responses and I realised A had removed me as a follower on instagram but still followed me, thinking maybe it was a glitch in the system I asked A why they did that and they said ‘I don’t know what you are talking about, I have deleted the Instagram app and barely use it tbh’ - which is not entirely true as we have a message thread on there and I could see they had been online at least 10 separate times that day alone.

A proceeded to send a message saying I hadn’t been a good friend recently and it was weird that I didn’t want to get involved in the C situation, I didn’t do anything for A’s birthday when they arranged a dinner reservation for mine and they are no longer putting time into friendships that don’t serve them any purpose. So friendship over right, this was end of March for context.

I message saying understand and respect their decision, and I had bought them presents for their birthday etc but went home early December for Christmas before they did and didn’t see them again until February so felt awkward bringing presents meant for a birthday months ago (which I should’ve just taken them as I still have them) and ask about the concert tickets for July and receive no response.

I see my partner about a week later and they had seen C that week, and my partner told me that A actually went to the concert in March with their mum and they had removed me on instagram so I couldn’t see their stories of the concert. And I get these tickets wouldn’t have cost me anything and I would’ve been incredibly lucky to go, but we had planned this back in September when tickets went on sale, we had been talking and preparing for months. I would’ve appreciated the truth rather than a lie I guess.

I have been asked to not say anything to A as C said that A is in a really bad place currently and is off work, and the only person I could’ve heard this off is C. So would I be the AH for wanting to send a message to A asking if the concert was worth our friendship and actually I don’t think I am the bad friend here.. (Any opinions on who is the bad friend/AH is much appreciated, and advice on whether I should message - I know I could be completely in the wrong but I don’t think not seeing someone for just under 2 months makes you a bad friend, my best friend from home and I haven’t seen each other in over a year and speak every few months as we are so busy but we are still best friends)