I (20m) have been with my GF (20f) for a little under a year and a half, we've had our obstacles but came out of them stronger than ever. Both of us would say we are very happy with the relationship. For context on the situation I am white, and my GF is black, and was born to immigrants. On the contrary my mother (53f) is a Trump supporter. This is a long one, so please bear with me.

In July of 2024 I was finally kicked out of my mom's house after it had been threatened since I graduated high school. Luckily my GF and her mom took me in with quite literally no hesitation. As I was leaving with whatever clothes I could fit into my backpack, my mom was standing in front of the door telling me I need to apologize, and if I did I would be allowed to stay, and that if I walked out the door there would be no coming back. I tied my shoes and walked out without a word. My GF was in the car with her mom waiting at the front of the neighborhood, and with what little I had to offer they graciously welcomed me into their home. To note, on the way back to their home my mom called my GF(I never gave her her number, I don't know how she got it) and was aggressively telling her to bring me home because she didn't need to be meddling in family business and that I needed to apologize. Thankfully her mom kept driving, and I lived with them happily until mid January of this year. I moved back in with my mom for a few reasons but the main one being to try and be closer with family before I go to the military (college is expensive). Up until about 2 months ago things were unusually pleasant living with here. Eventually things went back to normal but its never been this bad.

About 2 weeks ago I was at my GF's house and we had a few people over. My friend John(19m) and his GF (19f), as well as my brother M18 who I'll call Ben for privacy. The hangout went great, smooth sailing. Ben and John were really close at one point, but when John went to college their friendship kind of died out. We all smoked, played Uno, and a fighting game called Dead Or Alive 5. At one point everyone left and I thought the night had gone very well but apparently my brother didn't think so.

Fast forward to last week, Ben asks me if I want to play pool and I agree. We're playing, joking around and talking about all sorts of stuff. Eventually the conversation becomes about relationships. My brother is a bit of a player so he's telling me about some of the girls he's talking to, and then he asks me about my relationship. For context about 6 months ago me and my GF had a bit of a rough patch, like any long term relationship does, but we have come out of it strong, and on a much better path than before. Around then after the only big argument we have really ever had I confided in him about it. He asks me a few questions and at one point I tell him that I'm seriously thinking about marrying this girl. He then brings up that when you marry someone you don't just marry the person, you marry the family, and that there has been almost no interaction between the two families. I mention that my gf is black and that her parents immigrated here and they are simply uncomfortable being around my mom as she is a trump supporter. He says that our mom isn't racist and that they should be able to look over it. I say that it isn't unreasonable as Trump is a racist, and very anti immigrant, other than the million other things I could have mentioned, and I said it isn't necessarily always about what issues someone chooses to support but what they are willing to look over. Eventually I say that I'm disappointed in our mom because she supports Trump and he got very upset about that, and he starts to press me about issues that me and my gf had worked through months ago. I respond to him telling him that I'm happier in my relationship than ever. We both want to wait on marriage and that I'm in no rush.

My brother goes on to hyper analyze a 30 second interaction that I had with my GF's mom, who had just woken up from a nap at the time. She asked if everyone was well, we were, and I asked if she needed me to do anything for her, which she replied with no. She then asked if I was still cooking for everyone because I had not started yet, where I told her I was going to just cook for me and my GF after everyone left. She said ok, and went back to her room. My brother took it as far as him interpreting it as her saying where's my food, and him saying that they are using me which doesn't make sense. I have literally nothing to offer, I'm a broke 20 year old. I'm constantly trying to change the subject, and just trying not to get pissed as he's coming out of left field with all sorts of crazy accusations about my GF and her family. mind you this is the only time he had ever been to her house, let alone seen my GF's mom. At one point Ben brings up John and says he called him, and that he also thought it was weird. In response I called John, who unlike my brother had been over multiple times and knew my gf and her mom better than he did so I was surprised to hear this. He picks up and I ask him about the interaction my brother referenced. He thought it seemed a bit off and didn't give it any thought. He also said if I didn't have an issue he didn't care. I end the call and pretty much walk away at that point, but as I'm leaving my brother compares my GF and her mom to Mrs. F, who was a teacher who tried to groom and take advantage of me when I was in high school, which crossed a line for me. I decide that it's not worth it and just left.

I call John the next day, asking if I was crazy for thinking Ben was being out of pocket, and if the interaction was really that weird to the point where an intervention was necessary. He said he didn't even blink when it happened in real time and that my brother was tripping.

After a day or two my brother apologizes, and I try to talk to him about why he thought it was ok to say stuff like that about people he barely knew. We start to talk about how I was before I got kicked out. Admittedly I was pretty off the rails for a while, and I was spiraling. One of things my mom would threaten to kick me out for was smoking weed. It was the only thing that I felt like kept me sane for years. I struggle with PTSD as a result of years of abuse from my father, and its the only thing that can get me to sleep at night. Or if I'm having a panic attack, calm me down. I did not want to get back on meds, as my experience with prescriptions was by no means pleasant. I talked to him about everything, about how much I've changed over the last year. About how grateful I am to my GF and her mom for taking me in, and treating me like their own, and how being there has helped me flourish. He then brought up his issue with me saying I was disappointed in my mother for being a Trump supporter, and that he's upset in what I said. He talked about how ungrateful I am to our mom for everything she did to get me away from our dad, and that I have to understand that she has trauma pertaining to him as well. He thinks I need to be understanding, and that this is her first time living too. I tell him, me not agreeing with her politically doesn't make me ungrateful. He then goes on to talk about how my GF's mom would let me smoke over there, and how my mom knew, and was upset that my GF's mom was allowing that. He also brought up when I wanted to start selling edibles to friends so I could make some extra cash. I made like 2 batches, only ended up selling them to John for way less than intended, and it never led to anything. He talked about that like it was horrible, despite smoking with us days before. That leads to an argument, and at one point he yells “I don't like that bitch, I don't like her mom, and I don't like that house” after saying a ton of other disrespectful things about her and her family but that was my limit so I shoved him. At some point during the argument our mom had come down and before I could hit him she gets between us and my brother backs away. The argument ends as I have to leave for work.

I get done with my shift and my GF picks me up. I had a few days off so I stay over at her place and wind down. I go back to my mom's house after my next shift. I get back and after about a day my brother apologizes again. He says he hopes we can still be brothers and doesn't want to lose me over this. I tell him I just need some time.

Another day passes, and after he gets home from work I go to talk to him. He pretty much shoos me off when I had texted him earlier that when he got home I needed to talk to him so it pissed me off a little bit. I get to talk to him about an hour later and I tell him I need him to respect my GF and her mom in his thoughts and actions and that I will not tolerate further disrespect. He goes on to tell me that he doesn't know them and respect is earned not given. I tell him he doesn't need to know them to show them common decency, and to speak about them respectfully. He continues to say he doesn't know them so he doesn't have to show them respect. This goes on and it really gets under my skin. These people gave me everything when I had nothing, fed me, literally gave me the clothes off of their backs, and have been nothing but kind to me, and he speaks of them like they personally attacked him. At some point my mom comes downstairs where this is taking place. He then goes on to talk about when I wanted to sell edibles, which never even happened, and that since they allowed it to happen they didn't care about me. Because if they cared about me they would have never let it happen. The argument goes all over the place but he eventually says something along the lines of “They don't love you like their own, they love you like they want something out of you” and after more than an hour of him berating me and disrespecting my GF and her family I snapped. I take my phone out of my pocket and drop it on the stairs and my mom gets between us and starts to choke me. she tried to squeeze my neck so hard when I got her hands off of me her nails left scratches across my neck so I started to bleed. Mind you I am the older brother, but Ben is about 8 inches taller than me, and is about 40-50 lbs heavier. I back up to yell at her because my neck is bleeding, and tell her that he needs to stop being disrespectful. She goes on to say that they are drug dealers, and they do not deserve respect (that was me and it never happened so make it make sense), along with multiple other outlandish microaggressions. I start to walk away because my mom says this isn't about her and this is about my dad, which doesn't make sense, and I told her if she ever brought him up again I would never speak to her again. I start to walk upstairs and after I get to the top he yells “Fuck you and fuck that bitch. You're always looking for a reason to hit me so I might as well give you one”. He goes on to say a ton of disrespectful shit about my GF for literally no reason, she has never said or did anything to him to deserve that. Mind you my mom followed me up the stairs so she immediately blocked them. I try to get through but I'm not like trying to the point where it would knock my mom down the stairs. She sucks but I don't want her to break her neck. At one point she says you're hurting me so I back up not wanting her to fall and she punches me in the mouth 6 times. I don’t know how I could have been “hurting her” as I was literally only moving her arm out of the way as we were both on the top of the stairs and I didn't want anything bad to happen, and I wasn't pushing through her. after she punches me I call her BS and she threatens to call the cops on me. At this point she already had my phone from when I put it down. I asked her for it but she said she didn't know where it was.

After that I just left to walk to the gas station down the street to try and get a pack of cigs because It was 1am and I was bleeding from my neck. There was no way I would be without nicotine that night. I get back and try to get ahold of my GF from the tablet she gave me (she's the best guys seriously) and tell her what had happened. She and her mom both want me to move back in with them but I don’t want to give up on them, they're the only blood I have left. That last argument was 3 days ago, I don't know what to do.

What should I do about my family, and should I move back in with my GF's family. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.