I feel like I need some outside perspective on a really tough situation. My husband and I have been married for 19 years, and we have three kids together: a 13-year-old daughter, a 2-year-old, and a newborn. Our journey to parenthood wasn’t easy; we faced a lot of fertility struggles, and my husband has been my rock through it all. That’s why this situation has hit me so hard.

Recently, I started thinking about divorce after I realized my husband had left our young children alone at home while he went out on what appears to be a date with another woman. It’s been difficult for me to process everything, and I’m still unsure if I’m overreacting. His parents seem to think it was just a “mild mistake,” but I honestly find that hard to swallow.

A couple of days ago, I decided to take a much-needed “me day.” I told my husband how I felt, and he agreed I could go out for a bit. I went out with my mom and sister for lunch, a mini shopping spree, and we even got our nails done. It was lovely to have some time to unwind.

I left the house around 1 PM, planning to be back around 6 PM. My husband was supposed to be at home with the kids since we didn’t have anyone to babysit on short notice. While I was out, I received notifications from our Ring camera. Around 5:50 PM, I saw something was happening at the front door. I called my husband, who assured me everything was fine and that he was just picking up pizza. I thought nothing of it, knowing he was with the kids.

Fast forward to around 6 PM when I got another notification that he was back home. Due to the long wait at the nail salon and bad traffic, I didn’t arrive home until about 8 PM. When I got inside, I immediately noticed something was off; my husband's car was gone. I walked into the house to find my toddler playing with spit, and my newborn was crying uncontrollably. My teenage daughter was in tears because she couldn’t calm the baby down.

I quickly took the baby, changed her, fed her, and got her to bed, checking in with my daughter to see what happened. She told me she didn’t know where her dad was but that he had told her to watch the kids because he had something important to do. I comforted her and reassured her that it was a big task for her to handle alone. I felt awful she had been put in that situation.

My husband finally came home around 10 PM, looking somewhat drunk. When I asked where he had been, he casually claimed he was with “his wife” and having a good time. It felt like a slap in the face. He took off his pants and acted as if everything was normal, completely dismissing what had just happened.

The next day, when I confronted him about his absence, he lied and said he fell asleep at 7:35 PM. I was furious and called him out for being dishonest, insisting I knew he had been out with another woman. I reached out to my mother-in-law and my own mom for advice, trying to gain some perspective. My MIL minimized it, saying it was a common mistake for men and that I needed to move on for the kids' sake—you know, “they need their father at home.”

I've been doing a lot of soul-searching since that day. Part of me wants to fight for our marriage, to believe we can work through this rough patch. However, another part of me is devastated and feels that I deserve better. I think about filing for divorce, seeking child support, and pursuing full custody of the kids so I can provide them with a stable environment.

So here I am, wondering if I’m being the asshole for even considering divorce. Am I overreacting? Should I be more forgiving because of our history? Or am I justified in wanting to leave this relationship for the happiness and safety of myself and my children? AITAH? This happend on 4.1.25