Hello. This is my first time posting here, so I'm sorry for any mistakes. This is an issue that's been going on for a while now. Me (42f) and my husband (43m) have been together for twenty-one years, married for nineteen. We have four kids. Our eldest (20f), two twins (18m) and our youngest (15m). My youngest son told me to post on Reddit in order to get some advice. He told me people won't agree with me here.

I'll try to be as objective as possible. I was attacked two years ago on new years that me and my husband have been hosting at our house. I won't go into too many details, but alcohol was involved and I was alone with someone I once considered a friend. I am no longer able to get pregnant even if I wanted to and I still have some scars left on my skin.

At this point, I think I can safely say that it's been as if a switch flipped in my head since that day. Physical contact became something quite uncomfortable for me. My husband was understanding in the first few months but I know he's been bothered by the lack of any affection. My libido is very much dead and even kissing or handholding are things I don't really want to do. To be honest, I don't believe I love my husband anymore. He hasn't done anything wrong, of course. He's been an amazing partner and he's been doing his best to help me. I still care about him a lot, but love just isn't there anymore.

I'm aware people might tell me to go to therapy in order to fix it. Trust me, I've been going to therapy since what happened. I wouldn't say that I'm over it, but I've been steadily working my way towards healing. Therapy is actually what made me consider divorce to be the best option both for me and my family. My husband is truly a great man and I know he's been lonely for the past two years. I don't wish to keep him trapped in a marriage where his wife does not treat him the way she should.

He refuses to even talk about divorce. He says he'll give me time, that he vowed to stay by my side in sickness and in health. I understand it. But this isn't about what happened anymore, this is about the fact that I'm no longer attracted to him romantically or sexually. I care about him still. He's been my best friend and husband for years. However, my feelings have disappeared.

Our kids have also been trying to talk me out of it. My eldest keeps saying that me and her dad have always been the picture perfect image of a couple in love. She says that I'm still scarred from what happened and I will regret divorcing her dad in the future once I heal. The twins constantly ask me about my progress in therapy and one of them is especially adamant about my therapist poisoning me against marriage somehow and I should find someone else to help me. My youngest is still legally a minor and he says that if I go through with the divorce, he'll stay with his dad full-time and will cut off all contact with me. My friends and family have also been getting involved. Friendly visits keep turning into attempts at an intervention. I'm constantly being told that I'm making a mistake and that I'm being stupid for bringing up divorcing.

In a way, I can understand that everyone is trying to look out for me. But I can't really make a decision by thinking about how I might feel like in the future. I know how I feel right now. I know how I've been feeling for the past two years. AITAH for wanting to divorce my husband despite everyone telling me not to do so?