I (F32) am really considering leaving my partner (M43). We’ve been together for 8 years. Our relationship has always been a little rocky, but we’ve managed to make it work. We have a kiddo together (F5) and I have a son (M14) from a previous relationship. Last Sunday 4/6 our daughter decided she was not going to listen to me. My partner was asleep on the couch. I eventually got her to start doing what I asked; brush teeth and put on pjs. My partner who worked a trade show for the past 8 days and wasn’t feeling well jumped off the couch and immediately started reprimanding her. I thought I took care of the situation. He didn’t. She’s like me, we have attitude problems. Anyway, she was in the bathroom getting ready to brush her teeth and he went in and slammed the door. I was in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. Anyway she started screaming and then he started screaming. So I immediately went in to investigate. I opened the door and for some reason he had her like held up in the air above his head, I told him to put her down. He did. But my 14 year old son stepped to him. My partner said one of you is about to get hit. Mind you, he’s never been physically violent before. I just know as a parent idkwtf he was doing holding her up in the air… it really bothers me. I don’t know who does that, but I told him that’s not okay. So my 5 year old is a mess and her big brother is a mess. At this point I don’t know what to do. My oldest goes out front, saying he can’t be here and what not. I told him I could take him home. He insists that his dad come pick him up. My partner comes out all huffy and puffy and I tell him that was inappropriate, like what was your goal? Intimidation? Fear? That’s not what parents do, that’s not how you get little kids to do what you’re asking them to do. He starts saying something about how his mom always backed up his dad even if he was wrong, blahblahblah. I responded with I’m their mother, I will always be their mother and it’s my job to protect them, so I always will and if that means going against you I will continue to. He apologizes to my 14 year old first, then our daughter and then me. At this point his apology is pointless, the damage is done, I feel like he broke my family. I’ve been planning to leave and was going to tomorrow 4/14 but he got me and the little one sick. I’m planning on going to my parents, and I don’t want to get them sick so I’ve decided 4/21 is the day I’m leaving. Like I said our relationship has been rocky, communication issues mainly, but recently I’ve noticed that my guy doesn’t seem to have emotional depth and I can’t stand it. He was sick all last week, so I did everything for everyone which is typical. When Covid hit I became a stay at home mom, so I do all the household stuff, my oldest has chores the weeks he’s with me, but I do mostly everything and all the parenting it feels like… I am the default parent. His sickness spread to the little one and me and I’m still doing everything. He got us soup yesterday but like the dude hasn’t checked a temperature or given medicine and I’m sick and also on my monthly so I’m just going through it and exhausted. This morning I woke up to dishes, he said he would clean them yesterday but didn’t and instead of saying anything about it he was like I’m gonna go to this swap meet. I told him I was upset and felt like I do everything for everyone all the time. He immediately began to sulk. He sulked all day. We’ve exchanged very few words. I’ve been focusing on the little one and school work (I’ve got three classes left and then I’ll have a degree). But his detachment and everything that happened over this week and last weekend has felt like confirmation or something that I am better off alone. I can raise these hooligans by myself and not be weighed down by someone who thinks bringing home a paycheck is the only obligation to "family" there is, right? It doesn’t feel like there’s anything left to salvage. My 14 year old still hasn’t come back and honestly I’d feel better not being around my partner. I think we could both use some space, and I want my kids to feel safe. He pays all of our bills, I do contribute but not much, I work 40 hrs a month helping with my brother who has a TBI. It’s all weird and hectic with everything going on all the time. I think he’s going to feel used, like I’m ungrateful, like I planned this. I kinda did plan it but not until he lost his shit last Sunday. Anyway, he’s sleeping on the couch tonight and I’m asking you guys, am I the asshole for wanting to go?