I (F21) am a college junior and have been dating my college senior bf for what will be 6 months come May. So he’s graduating.

I’m also a bridesmaid in my cousin’s wedding. Couldn’t make the proposal party last March (was abroad for a class over spring break), and also could not make the bridal shower back in October (live 6 hours+ away one way, was a Sunday, I had consulting interviews the next day).

When the wedding happens in June, I have my flight booked from NYC to Michigan already and will be there for the rehearsal dinner.

Originally, when I filled out availability for the bachelorette, I said I would 90% likely be abroad this spring and wouldn’t be able to make it unless it was end of May. They decide on May 10 -11 (Mother’s Day weekend) based on other bridesmaid’s availability.

But I didn’t end up going abroad.

So a few days ago I put two and two together that my bf’s graduation is the same exact day as the bachelorette. I can’t go to both bc it’s 12 hours round trip and the graduation is late on May 10.

I still haven’t met his family yet, he never mentioned graduation to me, so I kinda thought he maybe didn’t really care if I went? Bc we’ve talked before about how many weeks he has left and whatnot but he never said oh can you go to my graduation. I also think you have to secure free tickets for the seating?

Anyways, I get in a fight today with my cousin. Never fought ever. I told her I didn’t know what to do bc it was two important milestones but at least I could for sure 100% make the wedding. She starts getting pissed at me and says I’m putting her 2nd and that if it’s a chore to me I shouldn’t even be in the wedding party.

I’m also the only person not from Michigan in the wedding party….and the only student. She kept saying I don’t care about her and all this stuff. I wrongfully assumed too that my bf wouldn’t care too much about the graduation (bc he hadn’t mentioned it) but then I told him about this fight and also how I was in a dilemma and he told me he really wanted me to come to the graduation and was already planning on me going.

AITAH for wanting to go to the graduation? My cousin told me I just shouldn’t be a bridesmaid and that I clearly don’t care about her.

The way I view it is that the wedding and graduation are 2 important milestones and then the bachelorette is a small milestone. So to maximize total utility I feel like I should prioritize the wedding and graduation? Because the bachelorette wasn’t even based off of MY availability (which I pointed out to her).

She also is having a smaller, second bridal shower the weekend of Easter but I’m traveling with some friends Friday - Saturday, going to a barn dance Saturday night, and then doing drunch Sunday. So she was mad about that but I had those plans before she told me about the SECOND bridal shower?