I (39M) became a father young. My wife (37F) and I had our first child when we were both in college. It wasn’t planned, but we did what we thought was right. We got married quickly, found a small apartment, and tried to balance school, work, and parenting. I gave up the opportunity to study abroad, turned down internships, and shifted majors so I could graduate faster and start earning.

Then came our second child two years later. By 25, I had a mortgage, two kids, and a full-time job I didn't love but needed to keep food on the table. My dreams of traveling, of exploring the world, of truly living—they were quietly packed away in a box and stored on a shelf I rarely let myself look at.

Now the kids are older (16 and 14), and life has settled into this rhythm that feels more like a cage than a comfort. My wife is a wonderful mother, but she’s happy with our life—school drop-offs, soccer practice, weekend grocery trips. She talks about upgrading the house, getting a dog, planning for college funds. I listen, nod, and I feel like I’m disappearing.

I don’t hate my family. I love them deeply. But I never chose this life. Not really. I did what was expected of me. I stepped up. And now, years later, I’m wondering if it’s wrong to want something more. Not just more money or a better house, but freedom. I want to wake up in a city I’ve never seen, get lost on purpose, write a book, meet strangers, be me without the weight of constant responsibility.

I've been thinking about asking for a long break—maybe travel for a few months, alone. My wife was hurt when I brought it up. She said, “This is the life we built together.” I get that. But sometimes I feel like I never got to build my life. I built the life. The one that happened to me.

People say parenting is selfless. I’ve tried to be. But I’m exhausted. Not from the work—but from the emptiness. I’ve missed out on so much of who I could have been. Is it really so selfish to want to know that person, even just for a little while?

AITA for wanting to leave, even if just temporarily, and see the world I gave up before I even knew what I was giving up?