Hi everyone. A little context first, my wife (30F) and I (32M) have a son (3M). My wife absolutely hates my mum, to the point that she can't (and never has) stay with nor see alone our kid. She only held him twice in his entire life and we currently only see her for important events only like birthdays or Christmas etc. Every time we have to meet her my wife and I end up arguing and for this reason we do it as little as possible. It goes without saying that I feel like shit about it and I struggle to also see my mum on my own since I feel like I can't share my life as a dad with her since I know she suffers a lot about not being able to see her grandson.

In October my father in law passed away after a slow and painful fight with cancer. He was on palliative care since a few months prior. During the time (and to this day) I tried to take care of everything with the kid and around the house to allow her to grief and be close to her mum and sister. One week after him passing the ashes came back and they brought them to the cemetery. We decided not to bring the kid there and I stayed with him. That night my mum had already organised going to a restaurant for her 60yo birthday with my grandparents, my uncle and my cousins. And at the time I thought that my son and I could go alone if understandably my wife didn't feel like coming. My kid ended up getting sick that very same day so we all stayed home.

Now after a few months has passed my wife confessed that during that occasion something broke for her and she doesn't trust me to be reliable when she needs me close. This broke me big time. In our relationship she has always been the needy one, every day there is a new unsolvable issue that she need help with and I always try to keep her positive by helping her finding a solution. I'm rarely sharing my issues with her since she's already overwhelmed about her own. I can't stress enough how much I'm trying to do everything around the house and with the kid to decrease the level of stress but it's never enough. And now digging up that episode letting me know how she think she can't rely on me when she needs it. I struggle to find the motivation to try and keep the family afloat on my own.

So my question to you. Do you think me willing to go to my mum's birthday that night is enough of a wrongdoing to cast a shadow over all the rest I'm doing and have been doing on a daily basis? To justify me being considered not reliable when I had always been there? AITA and I don't realise it?