I learned yesterday that my daughter (19f) has been sleeping with her old elementary teacher, and I was furious with her and with him, and threatened to kick her out. I’ll call my daughter “Lily” and the teacher “James”. 

“Lily” had him for 3rd and 4th grade, he was her student teacher in 2nd grade, and he was an assistant at the school and worked with her every day when she was in kindergarten and 1st. So, he was a massive fixture in her life, and beloved by her and our family. She was very shy and socially awkward, and honestly still is, but he had a way of getting her out of her shell, and really helped her make friends in elementary. We were always so thankful for him for helping her so much, and we know that he adored her, I thought it was very sweet. He had our other kids too, but moved to a different school some years ago, and we haven’t had much contact since. I do have him on instagram, and knew what school he was at, and that he has two daughters and his wife passed away three years ago. 

Now, Lily is living at home and is wrapping up her associates degree, with plans to go to get a teaching degree after. She had thought about eventually becoming a teacher when she started community college, and I thought it would be best if she spent some time in a classroom to see if she liked it. So, I reached out to James and asked him if Lily could come volunteer in his classroom. I figured it would be an amazing opportunity for her considering how much she loved him, and he said absolutely. 

Lily volunteered in his class the rest of the school year and loved it, and also started babysitting his kids. I didn’t think much of it since I was sure he needed the help, and thought it was really great, until yesterday when Lily let me know that she and James had been “dating” for the last 6 months. 

I am so angry, mainly at him but at her too. I told her she had to break up with him immediately, and shouldn’t see him anymore. She started crying and we had a massive fight 

For context, she has never really dated. She is still shy and can be very socially anxious and awkward, but is very pretty and got lots of attention from boys. But those boys often wound up being very cruel to her, and socially she has really struggled with friends, and doesn’t really have any close ones. Last night, she was sobbing saying how James was so nice to her and she didn’t feel nervous around him, that he was the first guy she’d ever felt like she could be herself around. I told her that if she felt that way, then she can just move in with him and be a teenage stepmom.

She wound up leaving and staying the night at James’s, and as of today hasn’t come back. Neither of us have texted the other, but she’s been in contact with my husband and is safe at least. My husband told me that he thinks I was way too hard on her, and that she needs our support and that we shouldn’t jump to conclusions, and I am honestly shocked he isn’t as angry as me. 

So AITAH for what I said to her? I really think she needs some tough love at this point, I am so patient with her but she made some terrible choices here.