Throughout the entire relationship, he always told me that he doesn’t use Instagram and I have no issue with that. I found it unusual but I never questioned it because he wasn’t an online person. But in our relationship we have been having issues of trust. So we ensured that we set our boundaries and followed through with what each other found comfortable.

Now I found that he has an Instagram account and while scrolling through the feed I just saw thick women all shaking their ass in the camera or posing in suggestive ways. Now I (F-20) do not look like these women, I am on the skinny side. Now I wouldn’t have been so bothered if it was just one or two girls it’s his whole feed. Multiple times in the relationship he would tell me how he wants me to “be thicker” and “I’m too skinny.”

I have my desired body and I always said I don’t want to be thick as that just doesn’t fit me. A lot of the ‘pretty’ thick women all share the same body but their faces are slimmer and it looks good on them. On the other hand, if I pass my average weight my face gets puffier and I personally don’t like it.

Several times in the relationship he makes me feel inadequate because of his comments. We speak about it and he assures me what he means and says that “I am enough.” But comments like “we should have a threesome,” and “you need to grow your butt,” definitely does not help his case.

Finding that Instagram account and seeing that he doesn’t even follow me and he follows 2700 girls that all post revealing stuff and he doesn’t follow other guys. Not only that recently I’ve been walking in on him having one of his hands hidden under the sheets suggestively. I don’t have an issue if he masturbates but knowing that I’m in the next room kills me.

Lastly the sex. We have few occasions of good sex and half the time he would lay there and I would do all the work. I spoke to him about it and afterwards he changed it up but now we have less sessions than prior when I spoke up about it. While doing it, he would look uninterested or bored and some times if I giving head he would get his phone and scroll through TikTok. I had to ban the phone in our sessions because it made me feel so unimportant.

I don’t know what to do, I have known him now for 3 years and in our first 2 we had a lot of on and off due to several factors like he didn’t treat me to my standards, I passed one of his boundaries of telling people we were dating months before he wanted to, family issues and small inconveniences. We worked through every single one and within our time apart we never did anything with anyone because we would be separated for days and max 2 weeks.

I feel like I am going crazy in the relationship as there are more issues I can’t even type as it’s way too long. But I don’t trust him. I can’t not after the Instagram. I worked on building up my trust after another issue prior to the discovery but I don’t want this feeling of insecurity and inadequacy. I feel inferior. I dodge guys who try to flirt with me and I changed my entire very friendly personality to make him feel more comfortable. I stopped talking in depth with some of my closest friends as he felt uncomfortable after a situation I passed his boundaries and told them that we were dating before he wanted that news out.

I feel stuck. I have been feeling stuck for a month now because everyday after classes I would go home, do homework, go to work and repeat. I became a full homebody while he goes out to play basketball with his friends (which were my closest friends, we shared them in a friend group. That’s how we met) and stays out till 5 am talking to them about God knows what. I am going to leave the relationship in the summer as I live off-campus with him and I can’t take that awkwardness on top of the break up.

Sorry that this was so long.

*However I do plan on talking to him about the Instagram thing, I just have to read his messages first to fully confronts.