I, (25/F) am having conflicted feelings about my boyfriend (26/M) and where we might end up. I fell in love with the thought of living in Japan since I was in highschool, slowly learning the language, history, culture and politics. I joined the military and before I met him I had a daughter (bio-father isnt in the picture) and closed my mind to the idea. I met him shortly after she was born and after she became 1 we decided to start dating after a year of talking. He is a very good father figure to her but unfortunately due to us being in different branches and different states for a while we’ve been doing long distance, visiting back and forth and in between his deployment. During my time in the military I visited Japan and all my dreams became a reality. I couldn’t stop talking about it after I left. I wanted to be stationed there but due to me being Active duty and technically still a single parent (not rushing to marry), I cannot go overseas without support for my child.

It’s now 2025 (we have been together 2 years, known each-other for 3) and I am officially a vet. He recently told me that there are no spots open for his MOS (92G) to be stationed there. Im not disappointed but Im more concerned about his mindset on things regarding moving to Japan. I am not close with my family and I did my research on Japan for years. His enthusiasm is a-lot lower than mine due to the fact that he hasn’t seen it yet, nor does he want to leave his family (mom, dad, brother and sister) behind. I want to visit with him and slowly convince him to move, but he is very family oriented and although he is trying to learn Japanese with me, he kind of just tunes out when I talk about moving there permanently. I want us to work, but I don’t want to be held back, nor do I want to make him unhappy or uncomfortable. I feel like if we marry, I will be the one to sacrifice my dream of leaving the states to be where I fell in love and it gave me a reason to live life a-lot more than I am now. We get along just fine and we grow to love each-other everyday… but Im scared to let go of either one.

Yes I know all of the pros and cons, yes I have friends who live/lived there, yes I have talked to natives who also tell me the honest truth about their country, yes I know the state of their economy (not much worse than ours), yes I know about WWII and yes I know about the natural disasters. I have been researching and reading since I was 14 (over a decade).

My main question is: Am I in the wrong? what should I do? Should I give up my dream? Or just go to Japan anyway if he tries to talk me out of it when Im finally all set up to take steps to leave? Should I hold back more on the thought of marriage due to his uncertainty of where we will end up? Should I think of my daughter and just stay so that she has a happy home? Im very cautious and sad and too scared to make a choice that may mess up the love I have. Ive never really been selfish in life so to give it up would really hurt in more ways than one. Please do not bash me or my family in the comments. Thank you!!

EDIT: what made me ask if I was the AH is because we had one of many conversations about it and he basically brushed it off after I brought it up so many times. Due to me working so much I took a break from learning and planning but I finally got back to doing it consistently and he kind of stopped. I try to push him to do it with me but he isn’t very motivated, nor does he really participate in learning about their history or lifestyle. I feel like Im pressing the idea on him too much.