My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for about 4 years. The on and off in the past (currently we have been dating for 2 solid years since being on/off) was my decision; we have an 11 year age gap and I’m a year shy of 30. We met a couple years after I finished college and I was in a very unhealthy mental state; newly graduated with a bachelors (double major and minor) and was still bartending, had an active eating disorder, and my parents were newly divorced in my adulthood. Just needed to figure myself out.

However, during the time we were previously together and even after steadily dating for a year and a half, I have always felt slightly parentified and am beginning to feel like it’s my fault and I’m crazy. Right when we got back together, I was post-treatment (and his support was a huge part of my recovery), left bartending, and started my current job as a regional manager over two stores when we had first moved in together. I am now Director of Ops for the franchise and have quickly leveled up both financially and in my responsibilities; in turn, we are moving as a result of my job.

Prior to the acceptance of the elevated position contingent upon being able to relocate (which, my partner and I have had very honest conversations about and I’ve acknowledged I am comfortable relocating without him if he needs some time to think about it or plan for it), him and I already had quite a few differences in our personal lives and careers. He’s a tattoo artist, super type B, doesn’t give a damn how his house looks, wouldn’t eat a meal if it weren’t for me reminding him, and only depends on cash and doesn’t deposit a thing in the bank (unless it’s for the monthly car payment). We have argued, reconciled, compromised, worked on delegating tasks that are easier for me to me (big purchases, rainy-day-funds, time management, deep cleaning) and those that are easier for him (laundry, scooping litter, small or impromptu purchases - like nights out - etc), he handles.

However, as we are planning on moving and applying to places, I’m getting cold feet. He doesn’t deposit money in the bank, hasn’t filed his taxes in years, and it is like trying to convince a 4 year old to share as far as getting him to stick to any definitive timeline or complete what he needs to complete on his end of the housing application/searching process. I found the place myself, applied myself, applied for him, and all he has to do is submit his financials (which he has no record of since he’s a tattoo artist and despite our conversations, doesn’t consistently deposit money and therefore has no paper trail - between lack of bank statements and not filing his taxes - to provide proof of income) and still hasn’t. I have tried gently reminding him, offerint to so it for him, asked him to reach out to his boss to provide a letter that could substantiate/account for his income, and nothing.

He treats me well, but I am beginning to reconsider how well given that I am very, very vocal about what I want and expect (of course delivering it gently as I can and asking what I can be doing better for him - fair’s fair) and it is continually not executed. I can tell he cares, but how much does he really if I am so honest and transparent about things (which isn’t easy for me considering my past; however, not his responsibility so I consider it a blank slate) and it is just continually, cyclically disregarded? All I get are sorries. I just want action. I just want someone who wants something more. AITAH for feeling frustrated in this loop and expecting more? Am I expecting too much?