📝 AITAH or is it my cousin?

By Environmental_Car634 • Score: 2 • April 16, 2025 1:59 PM


M22 and my roommate who is also my cousin M32 had a conversation last night. We were on a walk to the store and I brought up the subject of driving. I mentioned that a friend of mine recently came to New Delhi (India) for work and he later told be about how shocked he was that people didn't really have much discipline on the road and just how hectic it was, he also mentioned that the food was actually great and the people were kind.

Now as soon as I mentioned this my cousin got on his defensive mode (usual)

Cousin: Western people only ever know how to point out the bad bits about this country, there's a lot of things that are great about India but they'll always find a way to criticize us.

Me: Well it's not that he only said bad things about us, he mentioned the food was great and the people were nice. Besides he wasn't here to travel, he was here for work purposes and Driving/Transportation is a fundamental part of a county so if that bit is bad then it's obviously a valid criticism.

*After I said that my cousin stayed quiet for a bit with a smug smile on his face until I asked "What?"

Cousin: NVM you wouldn't understand.

Me: uhh okay?

*then he just stopped the conversation even though I asked a couple more times about what he had to say

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My cousin is a strange person, he's very hypocritical and is constantly criticizing every passing pedestrian for their dressing sense and the way they look.

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Here's an incident from an evening at a very well known restaurant with my cousin:

Cousin (After looking around the place): You know, there are only two types of people that come here.

Me: What are they?

Cousin: People that are foreigners and people that pretend to be foreigners.

Me: Well, what are we then?

Cousin: *paused for a bit* "we're none of them, we're the normal ones."

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Once I asked him why he was watching political debates on TV on a sunday morning, becasue it was just loud and annoying to hear after I've just woken up.

Cousin: Well, do you even know the importance this?

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He always boasting about the culture of Hindu people and hates muslims and other minorities. He's not religious and I don't know whether or not he believes in god but he's a big advocate for culture and history of our country, which I do respect, I get to learn a lot from him about this.

But the part that is always in the back of my head is how he's celebrates all of hindu festivals and always criticizes me for not knowing much about it even though he loves to consume beef.

I'm personally not against anything. Im not religious not do I believe in god, But I know well enough that what he's doing is intrinsically disrespectful to all the other devoted people that are taking part in Kumbh Mela.

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Another incident:

We were in the car and the conversation about culture came, and when he learned that I some knowledge about our culture he asked:

Cousin: What are you going to tell your friends when they ask you about our culture.

Me: *I jokingly said* I'll make something up, not like they'll know.

Cousin: The life of a person without culture has no meaning.

(I know that I am ignorant for not knowing much about my own culture but at that moment I felt a wave of anger and embarrassment. And I completely disagree with his statement.)

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My cousin as a person is exhausting, he treats me and other people like children and states his opinions as facts. He takes big pauses during his long speeches when expressing his opinions disguised as facts and patronizes the other person. He doens't let an argument slide when he's got something to say and doens't respond or accept defeat when he's losing. He'd simply say something like "You wouldn't understand".

Thank you for reading this, I want to know whether some of his points are right and if I'm just being too critical. Honestly I just want to know if you also know people like this in your life, because sometimes I feel so irritated because of him.

I know this is not my place to say this but I think his personality is the reason why he couldn't keep a girlfriend and is now going for arrange marriage. Total speculation.

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TLDR:
A recent convo about driving with my M32 cousin in India led to him getting defensive over valid criticism from a foreign friend. He often shuts down conversations with smug remarks like “You wouldn’t understand,” and comes across as hypocritical—he praises Hindu culture but eats beef, watches political debates, and acts self-righteous. He judges others, makes sweeping statements, and treats you like you’re ignorant or beneath him. You feel exhausted by his patronizing behavior and are wondering if you're being too critical or if others also deal with people like this.

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