I love my boyfriend but he’s much older than me (f23 & m33). He started this relationship off an ultimatum, we started as friends and he said he cannot continue being friends while having feelings for me so either we date or he has to cut me off for his own good. I had no friends at the time and was only 19 or 20, so I folded because he was my only friend/support. I feel weird about the relationship because of this, he’s been amazing to me and treats me beautifully and I would love to stay together and give him a kid but I’m not ready for that yet. He wants marriage and I’m intimated by it because I need to experience being single as an adult. I tried to leave him but I felt like I killed somebody the grief was so bad, I went back. Now I feel like I’m staying because the pain of leaving is too strong. And I wish we could reconnect after I’m single for a little but I know that’s not fair to expect someone to be okay with waiting for. I feel stuck because I want a future but equally want freedom. I still have no friends so that makes it so much harder.