My (28F) partner and I (30M) have been together for almost four years and have been living together for 3. We’ve had reoccurring issues around the apartments cleanliness where there will be items left around the house (eg, rags on the couch, makeup on the floor) that make me bothered. I myself also contribute to the issue by leaving stray cups around the house. My partner does the laundry and then l try to fold the clothes. She works from home and is busy starting her business and she says she’s too busy to keep the house clean.

I recently sent her the below text and she got upset saying that she feels like I don’t appreciate the things she does do that I don’t see and how I’m just as messy. I acknowledged that I can also improve and that all I’m asking is for us to be more mindful But she didn’t seem to care. It makes me feel pretty disheartened that I tried to communicate my needs and she couldn’t acknowledge it without taking it personally. Am I the asshole?

“Baby I love you so much but I’d like for us to implement some guardrails for keeping the apartment clean. Please don’t take this personally I am just communicating to you something that makes me feel uncomfortable and want us to work together on it, myself included.”

Tl;dr - tried to tell my partner that mesiness bothers me and she got upset and said I was hypocritical.