My husband’s lucky in that both his maternal and paternal grandmothers are still around. They’re not in the best health: my grievance is with his maternal grandmother (MG) who is hard of hearing and has a failing memory. Both grandmothers are well-loved and get regular calls and visits from their children, and grandchildren.

MG has a tendency to expect people would be available for her at short notice, and for extended periods, in a carer’s capacity. My mother-in-law is retiring this year and she is not telling her own mother, because she knows that MG would take advantage of this.

My husband used to take longer lunches at work mid-week, to quickly visit MG and ensure she had all her essentials. MG insists she needs certain groceries on certain days, and asking her to buy things like fresh milk up to two days ahead is out of the question. Calling would be quicker than driving down to visit, but she doesn’t like wearing her hearing aids and so doesn’t hear these calls. I never entertained this because I thought it was inconsiderate of her.

My husband couldn’t visit MG one week. He told her in advance, and repeatedly. She said she knew. And then the week after came by and she held the fact that he didn’t visit the week before, against him. She said it ruined her routine.

Once, when her memory was better, she called him during work hours. He was in an important work meeting. MG said there was an emergency and he needed to come see her. He left the office and drove to her home, worried. The “emergency” was that the captions were off on her TV and she wanted them back on. And since he was there already, and wasn’t at work, she wanted to return a parcel, and pick up some yogurt. My husband was upset. My mother in law (and I) were furious and told MG what she did was not okay.

But now her memory is failing and she’s doing more and more of these things. My husband is a bit indulgent because he worries MG wont be around for much longer. I empathise, but she is also literally taking advantage of him. AITA for putting my foot down and telling him to be firm and tell her no?