I’m a full time firefighter (36M) and have been so for the past 4 years. I left an environmental law enforcement job 8 years ago to work for a family business that I at one time believes is have a path to ownership with. While working there I decided to become a firefighter for the benefits and retirement as a fail-safe. My wife (34F) and I have 4 children all under the age of 8. Since the birth of our 3rd child my wife has not worked or financially contributed to mortgage, car payments, groceries, etc. she stays home and cares for the kids. She has stated that the fire service job is taking a toll on her due to lack of consistent schedule and me being away for days at a time. We are also starting to struggle financially as I no longer work a second job at the family business. She wants me to now leave the fire service and go back to the original police department I was on 8 years ago. This would require me to go to a full time police academy for 6 months straight. It’s 2 to 3 hours away from our home depending on traffic and I will be on base pay with no opportunity for overtime for a year. I told her I would consider it and went through the first interview. However the more I think about this the more I don’t want to do it. In fact, it has stated to cause my serious anxiety. We talked about this a few days ago and it did not go well. She started to cry and told me I’m making a huge mistake and “back-peddling.” I told her my issues with this and she refuses to accept that I don’t want to continue with the hiring process. It’s now been 3 days and she is barely speaking to me. She is visibly angry and is making every interaction very awkward for me and my children. I’m trying to be patient but it’s starting to run thin. I literally provide everything for my family and while I value her opinion I don’t think it’s fair for her to treat me this way as I’m the only one keeping food on the table. I feel that I have a right to work where I choose, even if it’s not ideal it seems to be the lesser of two evils. I do not have the energy to put myself through another police academy and try to commute possibly 3 hours each way 5 days a week. I can’t afford an apartment closer either. I’m tired, burned out with work and life and she is too. AITAH? Thoughts? Thank you.