First post, sorry if it’s a long one. Me (25M) and my partner (24M) have been dating for a little over six months but have been involved with each other for almost a year and a half. When we met we agreed to just be FWB, as I had just gotten out of a serious long term relationship, and he had gotten his heart broken hard by someone he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with. Won’t go into super detail but it was really disgusting what his ex did and it left him in a really dark place for a long time. Of course I developed a deep hatred for this guy very quickly. Thankfully his ex lives states away, but they still talked frequently. We just messed around for a month or two but I realized I had feelings for him pretty quickly. Staying over every other night, calling every day, etc. He made it pretty clear he wasn’t looking to ever date again, which I respected and didn’t push the subject again until things got more serious. About five months in we started telling each other I love you, talked about the future, still not officially dating. I helped him move into his new apartment and after that I was over pretty much every day. I was always aware his ex was going to visit, as they had bought concert tickets before they broke up. I wasn’t super worried about them sleeping together because his ex was seeing someone. That was until my partner called me incredibly excited that his ex had broken up with his partner just a month before he was due to come visit. At this point I had fallen hard, a love that I never felt before, and he fell too. He was telling me he would do anything for me, he wanted to be with me for a very long time, we talked about moving in, vacation plans, falling asleep in each others arms every night, but he told me we couldn’t be official until after his ex visited. Which sucked bad. About a week before his ex showed up I sat him down and explained I would feel much more secure in our future relationship if he didn’t sleep with him. I didn’t ask for plans to be changed, I would still stay away for a week, let him have his fantasy week with his ex, whatever he needed, just don’t sleep with him. He very matter of factly told me he was going to do what he needed to do, and he needed to sleep with him. Plain and simple. I wish I could explain the way I actually felt my heart break in little pieces while he watched me sob on his couch two feet away and held strong that this was what he needed. Just a week before he told me he’d rather risk being hurt by me than be hurt by his ex again. I was so confused and hurt. We weren’t dating officially but I felt so betrayed, we had been involved for eight months at this point. The visit came and went, I tried to get over it but I can’t. I can’t understand why. Was it worth it? Was his week of fun worth me questioning my place in his life? Wondering if those feelings still linger if he was so desperate to be with him one more time? I thought about it every day, wondered if he’d be willing to hurt me again so badly after he proved his needs were more important than mine. Two months later he asked me to be his boyfriend and it still consumed my thoughts often. Four months after that his ex came to visit for his birthday. I set boundaries very clearly but I was incredibly uncomfortable the entire time. His ex doted on him like a partner would, carrying his things, getting him water, making him take pain meds. When we went to bed his ex hugged my partner and said “goodnight sweet dreams I love youuu”. I was again, uncomfortable and expressed that. My partner said that it was his ex that did that and he didn’t know he would do that. I asked him to have another boundaries conversation with him. A month after that his ex commented on his Instagram post something that made me uncomfortable. I was told I was reading too much into it. A month later and we’ve moved in together. It’s still on my mind but less so. That was until a few days ago. I’m insecure, I acknowledge that and I’m actively working on it with my therapist, but I’m not perfect. My partner is very protective over his phone, has notifications silenced on occasion so the message preview won’t appear, doesn’t text much with me around, and when he does the brightness is always down. I admitted I had the urge to go through his phone and wanted to know if I were to do that, would I find anything between him and his ex that would make me uncomfortable. He said “probably yes” and I spiraled. All those insecurities I’ve been healing for the last year came back full force knowing he hasn’t been respecting my boundaries still. It’s all that’s been on my mind since our argument about this so please help, AITAH?