Hi Reddit,
I’m feeling super lost and honestly could use some outside perspective because my head feels like it's spinning. So, a bit of background: my ex and I have known each other since we were kids. We spent summers together as kids and were pretty close throughout our lives. It always felt special, like we had this storybook bond (I have always been a hopeless romantic). When we were around 17-18, he confessed that he had feelings for me, and after months of flirting, we started dating officially. It felt like a dream, honestly. We both come from broken families where there was unfaithfulness and endless arguments. So I trusted that he would not put me through my worst fears and treat me the way our parents treated each other.

I was completely in love with him. He made me feel like no one else could ever love me as much as he did. We were doing long distance at the time. Two years into our relationship, I caught him texting his ex-girlfriend a few months into the relationship. At first, he denied it, saying they were just friends and that nothing was going on. He knew me and all my weaknesses so well and how to play on them. He begged that I was the only good thing that kept him going in life, apologized, and blocked her. I wanted to believe him, so I did. A year later came Valentine’s Day. He told me he had a training that day, so we wouldn’t be able to talk until the evening. Eventually, I found out he was spending Valentine’s Day with her while telling me he was busy. That was the final straw, and we broke up.

Fast-forward to my birthday. My ex and I hadn’t communicated for over a year. I had dealt with severe depression after the breakup and was only slowly getting back out with friends. We were celebrating with friends when, out of nowhere, my ex showed up. I didn’t even know he was coming, nor would I have ever invited him, but he surprised me. My heart was beating out of my chest—I was so angry at myself for it. He had apparently driven nine hours to get there "just for me". Honestly? A tiny, foolish part of me had hope. I thought maybe he was realizing he still loved me. It felt like maybe, just maybe, he was coming back to apologize and fix things. He didn’t communicate much, just acted like nothing happened. But he would tower over me when I was with my guy best friends and wouldn’t explain how he found out about my birthday.

That night left me confused but, unfortunately, hopeful. The next morning, I woke up to a ton of messages from our mutual friends. Apparently, his new girlfriend found out he was at my birthday and freaked out. My Ex did not have the guts to tell me himself, so he made our friends ask me for an apology message. His close friend (who used to be my best friend) texted me saying I should apologize to shut them up. Why? The new GF feels“ I disrespected their relationship?! ” Let me make it clear—I NEVER invited him. He just showed up, saying "he came just for me", but now I’m being told to apologize to HIS girlfriend.

I felt humiliated. Looking back, I can see how manipulative he was. Here’s where I’m stuck: I didn’t apologize. I didn’t think I owed her anything, especially since I never invited him, and he was the one who showed up unannounced. Part of me felt like I should just let them sort it out or not. But then, my mind started racing—should I have just apologized to settle everything and make it easier for him? Was I wrong to just ignore it and move on?

Anyway, thanks for reading if you made it this far.

I guess I just want to know: AITA for not apologizing to his girlfriend and just ignoring it? Or should I have swallowed my pride and done it just to close this chapter once and for all?