Hi Reddit,

Throwaway because I'm (36F) embarassed and unsure of what to do about a situation and plenty of similar behaviour in a 10-year relationship with 36M. It's not really an ultimatum but moreso just want to ask the general consensus if I'm overreacting or becoming too emotional about a situation.

Being together for that long, we've had ups and downs but stuck it through, threw in a kid in the mix and had more of those thrown in. I love this man, but lately... I'm questioning it. Whether I'm scared to leave this man not because he scares me but because I love him. Silly, i know but look I just need an outsiders perspective because I'm not perfect and have flaws as well. I try to cook everyday, clean, take most of the housework and childcare, which I have found difficult to keep on top of physically and mentally. Each time I ask for help or bring up the conversation, I'm met with a "ask me what you need help with" with a sigh or a "i work 5 days a week and pay the mortgage what else do you want me to do" there's literally no in between. No compromising, no acknowledgement of the fact that keeping a house or family as a team which we previously we're 100% on. I just feel so alone most of the time. And when I bring how alone I feel, he tries to shift it to intimacy or lack thereof... which I say the lack thereof is because I feel like shit most of the time. Now on top of this, he spends maybe 30 minutes a day with our child and the rest of the 1.5 hours he's literally on his phone or laptop watching a show not hearing anything else besides it or me calling his name to tell him our child is trying to talk to him and get his attention. I'm tired. I feel bad. I am not at my best (not related to post-partum) and feel so guilty when I see our child being ignored or even similarities between how I get ignored especially with a disagreement and how my parents relationship is.

That was a condensed intro to my mindspace, thoughts, etc and now onto the scenario. We were visiting family and our child tripped, was upset and his dad was trying to comfort him. It was going on for about 5 minutes and I simply asked my partner if he wanted to leave and I got a huff, puff, sigh and a "stop i can't deal with 2 children right now". I felt really ducking heartbroken and dismissed especially in front of his family and I just replied with a "i asked a question which wasn't childish" and was burning with rage. Anyways I was going to address this once we left but felt it even more rubbed in when he came back an hour after the incident trying to act civil and normal. No subtle hug or even anything and I'm not even sure if he sees what he did. So I'm asking, am I overreacting? Am I being crazy? Is it me? Did I ask the wrong question? I didn't mean let's leave or that I wanted to leave but did he take it like that? I don't know. It was in front of people and one of them asked me if i was okay which i said yeah yeah all good. So idk. I'm sorry if this is wiffle waffle shit but this is literally my thought process and I cannot bring myself to address it because he just ignores it happened and I feel crazy. Far out I need help.

So I guess: A) am I overreacting? B) how do i address this response without getting emotional or being gaslit because lately he's been doing that and I just shut down. C) is it even worth it? I've honestly asked for divine intervention at this stage to guide me on what to do because I feel like I can't trust my own judgement.

Also apologies if I'm not getting to the point just incredibly anxious. Thanks in advance. Sorry if this should be in relationship advice.