I sometimes have trouble expressing myself so I'll do my best to explain the situation as clearly and unbiased as I can.

I (26F) live with my mom and my older brother. I don't have the best relationship with my mom, I'm aware of that, while it's nothing apocalyptic, I'll admit I'm not particulary talkative with her and it's true that I have a clear shift of personnality when I'm with her vs my friends.

The way I see it, the more I grew up, the less I felt fully comfortable with her, in sense that, to me, it's hard to find comfort in someone whom, for example, brush my complaints off and says I should stop being sensitive. Now, sometimes I do be sensitive for nothing, can't always control that, but modt of the time I really just want to feel understood and at least I'd like to not feel ridiculed when I asked little that makes me more comfortable (like closing the door after barging into my room or not always makes comment related to my weight), and so, I guess those tiny things just stuck with me and now I'm kind of unable to have a proper relationship with her. It's not like it's all bad but yeah I'm just, not an open book to her.

Tonight we had a little argument, I was trying to express the fact that I'd like her to stop saying certain things to me, because it doesn't makes me feel good and it's unnecessary. She didn't take it really well in the end and it ended up with her complaining that she knows nothing about us because we never talk and that she felt like we were forbidding her to express herself (in her eyes, she should be able to always say what she thinks since we are her kids, I get what she means but it still feels unnecessary at times), and other stuff. Since I accidentaly started the argument, I was the one who took the most. I tried to talk to her later but it was very hard to talk, in my head I knew what I wanted to say but it couldn't come out. She started saying that she was my problem, that I probably hated her, it was honestly frustrating. A little bit of context, I'm an introvert, I like my peace, at home especially. My mom is an extrovert and was raised in a big family so, quiet isn't really her thing, she wants us to be this big and loving family who laughs at dinner, makes joke at each other, share everything etc. My issue with that, is that it often feels like she wants us to live up to what she wants but never actually bother to understand what makes us comfortable and happy, that's kinda why we keep to ourselves. I don't hate my mom, I hate that she can never actually see how she could be wrong. She always normalize it saying we will understand when we're parents. But when will she try to get us for real ? She also said, that if I was the way I was with her with other people too, that's not a psy I need but a psychiatrist (The way I am with her is mostly non talkative, not very smiley, sometimes annoyed I'll admit it, I do get easily upset, and just closed-off I guess, I know it's not great but I can't control it + since we don't have a very close relationshi, I do get uncomfy with physical touch at times, not always but yeah)

There was other stuff but I think that's the most important to know. I feel very upset because, I'm under the impression that I'm the bad one, the bad child. I know I'm probably not the most cheerful and sympathetic one amongst my family but still, I believe I'm a decent person and not half as bad as my mom made me out to be when we argue. I think.

I just don't get why the guilt has to be all on me, even if now I'm an adult, am I still not the child in this dynamic ? She's the one who offered me to go see a psychologue because I wasn't able to confide in her and now here we are, I feel so upset and confuse.

I don't know if I was able to give all the element needed to establish a clear and non-subjective judgement on the element, I'm sorry if I got too carried by myself while writing, I'm not the best story-teller, I'm probably missed out things that xpuld have been helpulf but I tried to focus on what happened tonight. If you can, I'd really like to know, strangers from the internet, could it be that I'm an horrible daughter to have ? Am i to blame for the state of our relationship ?

And if you have tips to calm nerves that would be nice too.