My wife has a habit of making negative comments towards me, then when I get visibly upset, back pedals and says“I’m just kidding, OMG”. Then she gets mad at me for being cranky/grumpy/can’t take a joke to the point where it causes a fight. If I try to talk to her about it, I am “always upset and angry” at her. Maybe it’s my demeanour but she is recommending me to seek anger management due to my behaviour

I know if I did the same thing to her she would also get upset and tell me the same things.

I have to just agree when she says something to me. An example is today, I went to use my panini press and told her she broke one of the clips for the retaining plates when she put it away. Immediately she told me “it was you, you know how you are, always breaking things”. When she said this I got visibly upset, and she followed up with “OMG, I was just kidding”. Those were the last words she said to me in the last 2 hours. I have since apologized for being upset and all she said was “okay” clearly unimpressed by my actions.

So now I’m writing this from my coffee table where my wife is passive aggressively walking around the house and ignoring me.

What do I do? Do I need to seek anger management? Do I bring this up to her and start a fight which will end up with me begging her to stay? Is this a control issue?