tl;dr - My boyfriend watches ts porn. Caused many problems for us during our relationship. I don’t like him hiding it (deleting, incognito) and enjoy seeing what he’s watching and what he’s getting off too. He still hides it and I just want it to be a comfortable thing for us and a connection between us since it cause such a big problem in our relationship.

Okay so i’m going to try to make this as non-confusing as possible so please bear with me.

So my boyfriend ‘M21’ and I ‘F22’ have been together for over a year (officially dating for about 7 months now). We were best friends in high school and then had distance because of my ex for about 2 years.

About 2-3 months after we started officially dating he started acting weird about his phone, doing things and little actions that raised suspicion (such as me grabbing his phone to look something up, him grabbing it out of my hands, doing something to it and then giving it back). I decided to look through to see if he was cheating or anything (which I clearly shouldn’t have) and I found what has ruined our relationship to this day). I found porn (on telegram), but don’t be so quick to run to the comments telling me how stupid that is. just bear with me. It was trans porn. I had no idea how to react or feel. I had no idea if he even was attracted to me or wanted to be with me. mind you i’m also his first real relationship so that also fueled the fire for a lot of the thoughts I was having. I ended up telling him what had happened and his side of the story was that it was just a group he used to get to another group with girls and that the group used used to be a group with all types of porn (which is true). I tried to believe him but something was just telling me he was lying, which he was. I ended up joining the group myself and found him asking questions about specific girls and what not. Obviously he saw me join the group, I didn’t try to hide it. He ended up coming clean telling me that he hates that he does it and that it stems from his childhood and his mom making fun of his weiner size (which its literally not small at all idek what the deal with that is ig his mom never heard of grower not a shower) and him thinking that he would have to be gay because no girls gunna wanna be with him.

anyways, i ended up watching it myself and honestly, i prefer it because guys just don’t know how to make a good dick vid. plain and simple hate me if u wanted idc u guys need to learn how to use a phone or smth. I ended up getting sooooo mad about him hiding this stuff, especially with the problems it caused in the beginning and simply just asked that he stop using private browsers or deleting stuff, and call me crazy but i call it kinky, i like knowing what he’s getting off to or watching when I cant satisfy him. I also feel like it’s him hiding it from me when he does that stuff and like a trust issue type of thing. idk I know i’m wrong for this but I just can’t help the way I feel and that I want this to be a connection thing for us and not a hiding and making sure the other person doesn’t know about it type of thing.

Fast forward to the other night. I got up from facetime to eat dinner and left the call on, I got back to him muted, jerking off while i was gone eating dinner. He says it was just because he was high (thc). Mind you I have sent this man sooooo many pictures and videos, even a literal full video of me getting off and he still chooses to watch porn over me. I instantly hung up and have just been thinking since not knowing what to do. I ask him not to delete or use incognito and I also ask him not to mute which he has agreed to several times. I just feel like if he said no, mind ur business in the first place all of this wouldn’t be happening now and I wouldn’t feel the way I feel

He treats me better than anyone i’ve ever met, I do let my insecurities and fear of losing him get the best of me sometimes. We also have a great sex life. Honestly, i’ve always been little-not sexually attracted to my previous ex’s and with him it’s just so much different and I want to do everything with him, which I also feel like stimulates me wanting to see what he’s watching as it’s like a connection thing

Idk that was probably really confusing, I know i’m in the wrong, especially since he says he doesn’t like it - i just don’t know if that’s true considering it’s still happening and ig in my mind if he hated it so much and didn’t like it he would either just stop or watch the stuff i send him or literally just ask me to get naked otp.

My main concern i guess is that i want this to be something we can connect with, especially if it’s going to keep happening. I just don’t see the issue in not deleting/privating stuff. not in a selfish way but idk if he’s going to keep doing it which is something I don’t like, why shouldn’t I be able to have the one thing that’ll stop me from worrying if he’s doing it behind my back. (he wouldn’t even know, we both have eachothers google accounts on our phones and have had this conversation before and talked about how this would be better for our relationship and he agreed)

Also side note that I forgot to add in, when I found stuff I also found only fans subscriptions, payments, messages asking for ft calls, etc. - ig that relates to if he actually enjoys it or not ig.